It's a Game We Play
by sablefalls
Summary: He resolves to not pass a certain line with her but does what he can to encourage her to cross it instead. Hawkeye and Margaret have a game they play.
1. Chapter 1

It's a game they play.

They never speak of it; that's not their style.

She knows what she does to him though. Others may miss the reactions she elicits in him but she has come to know him so well that she can see the desire in his eyes. She toys with him when she wraps her arms around Frank's waist and plays the part of the devoted mistress. Those blue eyes darken even though his lips are smiling.

He knows what she is doing too. She is teasing and coy, but her eyes tell a different story. He can see the challenge in them and something inside of him rises to it. Jealousy is not an emotion that he is comfortable with but with her it takes on a delicious edge that he savors. Sometimes he wants to bring her to her knees. He's not ashamed to admit that more than one fantasy of her in just that position has come to mind.

It should bother her that he chases after her nurses so openly. His reputation as a ladies' man is well-earned though as she has overheard the whispers and giggles of the women when they thought she was out of earshot. On more than one occasion, thoughts of his talented hands have led to an explosive night with a man who is a poor substitute for the one her body really craves.

"Excuse me, Sirs" a familiar voice intrudes as she walks with Frank.

Seeing who it is she turns away in aggravation.

"Could you hold this please" he asks handing Frank a martini glass full with that swill from the Swamp.

Quickly and firmly she is grabbed and dipped in his arms. At first she resists but he wraps his arms around her to hold her more firmly against him. His lips nibble at hers and convince her to open up and accept. Franks whiny voice fades away and a warm feeling rushes through her body. All too soon he pulls away as Frank demands his attention. He keeps his arms around her though, which is fortunate as she doesn't trust her legs to hold her up.

Frank's disgust is evident as he leads her in the other direction but she can only murmur in agreement with him. It is fuel added to the fire.

When they work in the OR she makes a point to stand a bit too close to him. He never complains but if she weren't watching so close then she would miss the way his breaths quicken. It's a dirty move in a place where all his attention is needed to focus on the patient but she knows he is good enough that he can handle it.

He can smell her perfume and the slope of her neck has drawn his eye more than once this session. Her fingers are deft and quick, anticipating what he wants before he even has to ask for it. In a different setting, he can imagine how those nimble fingers can anticipate other things he may want from her.

Later in the scrub room when it is just the two of them, she absolutely does not shiver when he steps in so close behind her that she can feel the heat from his body and his breath on the back of her neck. He helps undo the knot she has been struggling with and slides the blood-stained apron from her body. She slowly turns to face him and he can see the dare laid out in her eyes.

His fingers graze the sides of her neck as he seeks out the knots in her mask and while she keeps her eyes fixated on him, he can see the effect he has on her. With her mask removed, her plump lips part. It's an invitation to taste her.

The door to the OR opens and they step away from each other as Frank and Trapper enter. Hawkeye scrubs his hands at the sink, while she tidies up the laundry haphazardly thrown on the floor. As Frank ushers her out the door, she can see the smile he gives her and she can't help but smile back.

She watches him work his charm on the nurses. Sometimes, he tries to work it on her too, but she always brushes off the innuendos he makes to her. She knows when he does this that he is just playing. The other nurses don't see that though. They are too taken in by his charisma to know that all he wants is a quick tumble and he will forget them come morning. She wants to stand out from the rest and leave a mark that won't fade by revelry. Margaret Houlihan thrives on slow burning desire.


	2. Chapter 2

They are dancing in the Officer's Club. She acts reluctant to have his hands on her and pretends to only politely tolerate his intrusion on her time with Frank. To be truthful, she was aching for an interruption. The warmth from his hand sears her skin through her white turtleneck and she can feel her heart quicken. He effortlessly leads her through the steps while using his charming smile to try to convince her to sign a petition. It's not really about a petition though and she is not a woman to be won over so easily. He has to work for it.

Trapper is keeping Frank busy. He knows she would never deign to allow enlisted men into the Officer's club but it makes for a wonderful excuse to try his charm on her. He pulls her close enjoying the way she fits against him so easily. He knows they could be wonderful together and at times he is tempted to push the boundaries set for them, but he doesn't want the chase to be over so quick. When they give into this feeling, there will be begging, but at this point he's not sure just which one of them will be doing it.

When she wakes him to help her move a dead General out of her tent, it hits him that he is not the only man drawn into orbit around her. And although the demise of the General was no fault of hers, it does highlight the dangerous potential of becoming involved with a woman such as herself. He wonders if she may be too much for him to handle. There is such an appeal at being broken by her.

She draws him in and he nearly can't help himself around her. The nurses are packing up and leaving and the men are seeing them off. She is saluting her goodbyes. Purposely, she saves him for last. He doesn't disappoint either. He is quick to take the slyly offered opportunity and pulls her to him and dips her back in another searing kiss before she can even raise her hand. She doesn't fight this time but wraps her arms eagerly around his neck and opens to him.

There is something about this man's kiss that leaves her breathless and unsteady. Afterward she allows Frank to guide her into the truck but she hears little of his nattering. She knows her dreams will be plagued with memories of those lips for some time.

Trapper is eyeing him closely as the truck pulls off. That is twice now that he has overstepped the bounds with Hot Lips and while Hawkeye may joke about it, Trapper can see that there is something more at work here. Carefully, he avoids his friend's deductive look. He's not quite sure what his end game is in this either but the ride is half the fun.

So perhaps his jealousy does get the better of him in the scrub room. She is rattled about an inspection from a visiting colonel and this translates to clumsiness in the OR. He dismisses her from his table. He needs her to keep it together, not fall apart. He has high standards when it comes to surgery so he needles her about it by the sinks.

What should have been between the two of them is quickly joined by Frank when she demands he defend her honor. Running to her lover for protection raises his ire and before he knows it, Frank is laid out on the scrub room floor and he is under arrest.

He will never admit what really drove him to it though. Fortunately, Frank also gets him back out of the situation in his own bumbling manner and Hawkeye goes his merry way, avoiding what was really at the heart of it.

The dangers of the war are a constant reminder. The atmosphere is tense in Henry's office. If it weren't for the levity of the situation, then Radar holding a bedpan of sausages would be funny. Frank's cowardice disgusts her but what more could she honestly expect from the man. She gives Hawkeye an appraising look when he "volunteers."

The thought of the Battalion Aid station is scary, but a part of him is curious about what Margaret is like without Frank around. He is eager to get her alone and find out.

At the front, she surpasses his expectations and proves to be the strong and talented woman he knew her to be and his respect for her rises. The fact she takes orders well and is eager to serve doesn't hurt either. He knows it's only because it's just them that she lets him take charge.

That night he chances to lie close to her and share a blanket. She lets him as she is far too tired to keep up pretense. The warmth from her body is intoxicating and he falls to sleep holding her close. Neither one realize the game is about to change.

When Klinger awakes the next morning, it is to the sight of the two officers pressed closed, limbs entwined and sleeping peacefully.


	3. Chapter 3

Trapper questions him of course upon their return. He chats up her professional abilities and is genuine in his appraisal of her performance as a nurse. His bunkmate is only focused on one thing though but Hawkeye can be honest in denying that it was nothing like that… almost. It's not like he can put it to words right now anyway.

In her tent, Frank is using his whiny voice again, professing his feelings for her, while she brushes her hair. Before she left one of her great fears was she wouldn't see him again but now that she is back she feels let down. As clichéd as it sounds the front changed her but she knows that it was the man she was with more than the location.

When she woke up that morning it had been to a feeling of being warm and safe which is something she has not felt for years and was so out of place given the locale. He was still sleeping and it afforded her the opportunity to just look at him without anyone else, including him, watching. She took a chance and let her hand wander a bit. The fatigues were thin enough to allow her practiced hands to appreciate the feel of muscle in his arms and chest.

When she looked up, his eyes were open and watching her carefully. A few spaces stood between them, so she took her chance and closed them to taste his lips. Quickly his hand was in her hair holding her to him as he deepened the kiss. He rolled her underneath him and she eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Captain Pierce" Klinger yelled from the other side of the wall. "We got wounded!"

He pulled away from her, slightly out of breath, and gave her that grin before getting to his feet. She rushed to join him. It was a moment between them but it passed too quickly. Describing their teamwork as a well-oiled machine had only hinted at the thoughts she now had for the man. She runs Frank off as she doesn't think she can settle any longer.

Frank returns to the Swamp more out of sorts than before. The way he throws himself on his bunk raises Trapper's interest. Hawkeye is elsewhere right now so he takes his opening.

"Problems, Frank?" he asks.

"Oh wouldn't you just like to know" Comes the sarcastic reply.

He's quiet for the moment trying to decide what best to say to get a reaction out of the Major.

"Hawk says that Hot Lips performed beautifully last night." The bait is laid.

Frank quickly sets up with a look of horror on his face. "Margaret?"

Trapper smiles at him. This is too easy. "Said he's always happy to serve under the Major if you know what I mean." Trapper is content to twist Hawkeye's words to fit the purpose.

"She said she had a headache." Frank says sadly more to himself than to Trapper. He stands and walks out the door slowly and Trapper lets him go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay. My pc suffered epic fail and I had to recover my files. **

It is later and they are scheduled in Post Op for the night shift. Frank is put out that they are late and rushes them through patient rounds. The look he throws Hawkeye is suspicious, leaving him to wonder what she may have said about their time at the front. He certainly does not want to bring up thoughts of how her hands felt against him when she thought he was still asleep or the kiss that followed after. The feel of her underneath him is still very fresh in his mind. He wonders what would have happened if the war hadn't interrupted.

When she follows Frank out the door, he focuses on the chart in front of him and not on the goodbye she gives the other man. The raised voices hint that all is not well though. When she walks back in it is with a firm look on her face and she gets to work laying out the supplies they will need. He settles in for a long night spent with a woman he can't quite figure out. He always liked a good puzzle.

The night stretches on. The patients are comfortable but the chill is biting. She draws her stool closer to the stove trying to warm herself. He just feels drained so he moves to sit on the floor against the wall next to the stove. Wordlessly, he takes her hand and pulls her down with him. He covers them with the blanket and wraps his arms around her waist as she leans back against his chest. The warmth and the feel of his steady heartbeat are lulling. She finds herself drifting off.

He regards the sleeping woman in his arms. Something about this feels right. He begins to drift off too. His dreams that night will leave him wanting more.

They awake to the sound of choppers and disentangle themselves before the camp wakes.

Whispers follow them now. Their sleeping arrangements at the front and have become public knowledge and she is quite sure which dress-wearing Lebanese is to blame. Her nurses even join in making subtle hints when she is around. They point out admirable features of the man and look to her for a sign. They are disappointed until one of them mentions the date she has later with him. Her quick exit from the tent does not go unnoted. If he has heard the same thing, he does not let on but surely he has noticed that Frank spends more time at the Swamp than with her now.

He notices. He didn't get his nickname just because of his father's love of a book. Frank is hard to miss anyway with his moping and carrying on. If he didn't know better he would think the man had real feelings for her. He tries to not think about it though. If she is available, than that presents a dilemma to him. Only one other woman could tempt him the way that she does and that had ended in disaster.

However, he could do without the extra scrutiny the others give him now, thanks to Klinger's loose tongue. The nurses are wary to be involved with him. They do not want to feel they are stepping on the Major's toes. If she has laid claim they want nothing to do with him. His dates have cooled off considerably.

Being denied female company makes for a tense Chief Surgeon and the Head Nurse is not faring well either having finally kicked her companion from her bunk. The frustration they feel at not giving into these desires needs an outlet.

The tension rolls off of them onto the others.


	5. Chapter 5

Henry is not as clueless as they like to think he is. His medical degree did not come from a Cracker Jack box after all. It just helps to play dumb so they let down their guard. They don't lash out at each other though and that is what tips Henry off that this is something different. If anything they close ranks with one another, but there is an uncertainty that stands between them.

They flirt more. They dance more. Yet they never cross that line.

Trapper becomes snappy and Frank is just insufferable. The nurses squabble and the enlisted lose tempers quick. Henry quickly has his hands full with a very discontent camp. How two people can cause so much chaos he is unsure. For their part in this, they never seem to notice.

Everyone else does. They see the looks passed between the two both in the OR and outside of it. There is an energy that moves between them whether they are in the Mess Tent, Post OP or the Officer's Club. It's difficult to not get caught up in the electric feel of it.

Trapper bites his tongue to keep from just outright yelling it. He tries to hint at it instead, but Hawkeye is oblivious or at least pretends to be. Frank can see that Margaret's attentions have definitely turned and while she may see him in public, she has firmly closed herself off to him otherwise.

Most of their shifts end up being at the same time. It's no coincidence since they both make up the schedules for their respective areas. The increase in time though only serves to ramp up the frustrations they are feeling. They are both young and healthy people denying themselves what people who share such an attraction would normally do for release. It's not like Henry could order them, could he?

He never realized before how much the two of them accounted for morale around here, whether good or bad. Their frustrations translate into professional nitpicking. Margaret rides her nurses hard, demanding perfection and dedication. Hawkeye is short tempered in surgery and does not back down taking Frank on. The two surgeons snip and disagree but the OR is the one area he outranks the Major in and he does not miss the opportunity to put Frank in his place. Even Trapper and Henry aren't safe from the Chief Surgeon.

Perhaps they are exorcising their past jealousies a bit too much.

Whatever they do to others, they are the utter opposite with each other. They are cordial, professional and above all friendly. He becomes the picture of a gentleman to her: opening doors and the like. She is all smiles and admiration, supporting his decisions in the OR and Post Op.

Henry expected if anything that they would have turned on one another so this surprises him to no end.

Hawkeye finds it difficult to keep his balance. He resolves to not pass a certain line with her but does what he can to encourage her to cross it instead. He is at his most charming. They are playing a game of chicken to see who will flinch first.

She nearly won when they took inventory in the supply tent. By unspoken agreement they do not spend time alone in each other's tents, but public areas are fair ground. Did she really have to brush up against him that much? Just as his resolve was slipping, he was saved by a wave of casualties.

It followed them into surgery though, as she was at his table and too close for comfort, except now they have an audience. Frank noticed the effect they were having on each other and as a result began making more mistakes than normal. Personal problems do not belong in the OR though so he dismissed him and took over his patient.

Frank had protested but Henry refused to get in the middle of it. The looks the CO gives him though tells him that their antics have not gone unnoticed.

Margaret has never been a woman to sit quietly and let the man lead but she wants to see where he will take this. She can be infinitely patient when she wants to be. Her admiration of him is genuine though.

He is a brilliant surgeon and his dedication to his patients is immeasurable. Powerful men have always drawn her attention but before she measured them in brass and medals. The power to give an order is eclipsed by the power to save a life. He has set a new standard.

Before when she would disagree with him, he would resort to arguing or insults. Even going so far as to just walk away and ignore her. To avoid flinching in this game, he hears her out and strives to understand her point of view. It is an adjustment but it keeps the carefully crafted peace they have. She always rewards him with a beautiful smile.

He finds that removing the physical out of the equation changes his perspective. They may flirt but at the same time they reveal more about themselves and he begins to admire her beyond her nursing skills or looks. He never realized just how shallow he was before. She had accused him before of treating her nursing staff like his own personal harem. At the time he thought her jealous and dramatic, but she couldn't have been more right.

Neither really wants to admit that their feelings for one another are deepening beyond lust but the absence of a physical relationship may very well be their undoing.

They simply can't keep this up. The camp is in turmoil, having been thrown off by the change in their behavior.

Trapper so far has kept his thoughts mostly to himself. With Frank sharing the same space and so often being the object of Hawkeye's wrath, he was trying to be nice by using subtly. It failed miserably. He thinks it's odd that given everything that happened that it would be him that is concerned about how Frank is faring.

"Henry, you have to do something!" he pleads, throwing himself into the chair in his office.

Henry looks up with that slightly frustrated expression. "And what would that be?"

"Frank's going to snap if this goes on much longer." Trapper warns.

"If what goes on much longer," the man is a well of endless patience.

He knows what Trapper is referring too though. You can't miss the sad eyes Frank shoots when Margaret walks by or the scathing insults he gets from Hawkeye when he's caught. Without Margaret supporting him, Frank is simply not equipped to handle the other man's stronger personality.

"What would you have me do?" he pleads with Trapper. "I can't order Pierce to be nice." He pauses. "Could I?"

The look Trapper gives him is very telling of what he thinks about that.

"Can't you talk to him?" Henry asks.

"Talk? If I open my mouth about Frank, he jumps down my throat." Trapper tried already. It did not go well.

After he leaves, Henry ponders his options. Trapper is right. Something has to be done about this.

"Radar!" he calls as the clerk walks in.

"I've already sent for Major Houlihan." He says at the same time Henry gives the order.

When the woman is seated in his office, he grasps for words.

"How are you doing Major?" he asks

She smiles. "I'm doing quite well."

"I've called you in to talk about Major Burns." Her eyes narrow at him.

"What about Major Burns?" the scorn in her voice is thick.

"Well, it has more to do with Pierce." Her eyebrows rise before she can school her features.

"Could you tell him to lay off the Major?" he gives her a big smile, hoping she will intervene.

"Whatever problems Major Burns and Captain Pierce have are not my concern." She is stern in her reply.

Henry tries to be delicate, "Well, it seems to me that it is your concern."

The room grows deathly silent.

"What are you implying?" The calm in her voice is unnerving.

What he is implying is that since she and Hawkeye began to play nice with one another that the rest of the camp is suffering from their misdirected frustrations. Whatever they have quite simply is wrecking the place. Franks suffers more than most: first, never having earned the Chief Surgeon's professional respect, and then having been involved with the Major. He never pegged Hawkeye the jealous type but it seems she can bring out the worst in him. The question is if it is a good thing or not that Margaret has such power over him.

Henry changes tactics after having struck out with Margaret.

The Swamp is empty save for the one he is seeking out. Hawkeye is lying on his bunk reading a journal.

"Our fearless Leader" he greets casually. "What's the occasion?" He eyes the bottle in his hand.

"Thought we could have a little drink and maybe a chat." He tries to look nonchalant.

Hawkeye isn't buying it. "Chat, eh?" He sits up and Henry can see his walls coming up.

He accepts the drink though and downs it quickly before refilling.

"How are things going?" Henry starts off in his friendly tone.

"Good, good…better than good actually." Hawkeye rambles.

"Uh huh" Henry sees through him. "How about things with Frank?"

He knew this was coming. He realized he was being unfair. Trapper tried to bring it up but he shut him down.

"Oh good" he plays it off. "Why is there something wrong with Frank?" He is the picture of innocence.

Henry gives him a suffering look, "You know what I mean, Pierce. Just because he used to be close to Margaret, doesn't mean he deserves what he's getting from you."

"Why would it matter to me if he used to be close to her?" Denial works well for him.

Henry lets out a long sigh. "Don't play dumb with me. Leave the man alone. You got the girl so let him be before you push him over the edge." He snaps.

That was the problem though. He didn't have the girl. He hadn't had her, and it was driving him crazy.


	6. Chapter 6

Radar enters the OR and barely delivers the news. She turns to him with eyes already filled with tears. The shock is evident in his eyes too, but the patient in front of him demands his attention. There will be time to grieve for Henry after. She rallies and stays by his side. As soon as it is done she leaves the OR and he follows under watchful eyes.

In the scrub room it is just them and she lets herself fall apart. He wraps his arms around her as she buries her face in his chest and sobs. He holds her close and draws in a shaky breath. When she pulls back enough to look up at him and she can see he is trying to keep it together. She whispers what she hopes are comforting words to him before fresh tears overtake her. He tucks her head under his chin and rubs soothing circles on her back.

Frank watches through the window in the door. Trapper steps up behind him and puts a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. McIntyre knows that this has not been easy on him and it's not about to get any better. Frank nods to him in thanks before gently entering the scrub room.

He walks past the couple. Hawkeye sees him though and there is a warning look in his eyes. He is protective of the woman in his arms but Frank does not want to cause any trouble. He can see she is being looked after and an understanding passes between them before Frank exits just as quietly out the other door. Alone again, Hawkeye relaxes and he turns his attention back to Margaret, who never noticed the presence of the other man.

Trapper backs away from the OR door and directs personnel away from it. He wants to preserve their privacy as much as he can right now. He can't help but feel that everything is beginning to spiral out of control. What he once knew to be true is being rewritten right in front of him. He begins to feel a bit lost.

The camp is in shock and they wander aimlessly in the night after exiting the OR. He walks her to her tent with one arm around her.

"Stay with me tonight." She asks in a low voice.

He hesitates."Margaret, I don't know if that is a good idea." As much as he would like too, it just doesn't feel right.

"Please, I just don't want to be alone." Her voice nearly breaks.

He finds himself following her inside. They shed their coats but lay down on her cot fully dressed. She lays her head against his chest. There are no words to say what is on their hearts so they hold one another and eventually, they fall into a troubled sleep.

The next morning he returns to the Swamp. Trapper is waiting.

"Someone didn't come home last night." He says lightly.

"Had a better offer," Hawkeye replies as he pours himself a drink.

"I bet," Trapper smiles, "So spill?"

Hawkeye shakes his head. How can he explain it to his friend that this game has quickly gotten out of hand. They fought. They flirted. They teased and now he is so close to breaking and begging. He's fallen hard. "Nothing like that. We just slept." He empties his glass.

Trapper's face falls. He was hoping last night would have been a break in the tension.

"Where's Frank?" Hawkeye asks looking at the neatly made bunk.

Hawkeye being concerned for ferret-face is something new. "Radar came and got him this morning."

Henry may be gone but MASH goes on just with someone different at the helm. He pours himself another drink and sinks into the chair, quite unaware that losing Henry is just the first of many changes.


	7. Chapter 7

Trapper's gone. Just gone and without a goodbye. Margaret watches him struggle with the adjustment and her heart aches for him a bit. BJ seems friendly enough and the surgeons quickly build a rapport with each other, but the man is something different. Trapper was brash and daring; BJ is quiet and patient. She can see he is taking it all in and trying to figure them out.

Colonel Sherman Potter is something altogether different too. The man is both fatherly but firm. His military discipline delights Margaret but his down-to-earth charm appeals to Hawkeye.

For a time the new men work to find their footing. It becomes clear to them that there is more going on than meets the eye.

"Radar" Potter is looking out his office window.

"Yes Sir?" the corporal asks not looking up from his clipboard.

"What's the story with them?" he nods at the couple walking together across the compound.

Radar steps up to look. Hawkeye and Margaret are walking and animatedly talking. They pass Frank who follows her passing with sad eyes. Hawkeye turns and a look passes between them. It's a small movement that could be missed if you weren't watching closely but Potter sees it. Frank looks away and retreats to the Swamp.

Radar sees it too. "Oh" he begins nervously. "Well you see the Majors were sorta together even though the Major is a married Major, then the Major ended things."

Potter nods having already become accustomed to the young man's way of describing things.

"So then she took up with Pierce?"

Radar pauses. "I don't think so."

Potter turns to him with raised eyebrows.

"We kinda have a pool going but no one has won yet." Radar shyly admits. To be honest, they can't confirm what they suspect, so the bets hang in limbo.

The coffee in the Mess Tent leaves a great deal to be desired. BJ swirls it around in his cup and watches the crowd. Hawkeye is across from him poking at the food on his tray, looking suspiciously at the brown and green lumps.

"I believe I dissected that in med school" he volunteers.

Hawkeye frowns and pushes the tray away. "You should have left it there." He picks up his own cup of suspect coffee and downs it.

"Good Afternoon," Margaret chirps as she takes a seat next to Hawkeye.

"Hmm is it? I hadn't noticed," comes the lazy reply, though he turns to her and gives her a smile.

BJ watches how they sit close to each other. The comfort they show as they invade each other's personal space time and time again is evident. It also does not escape his attention at the looks they get from the others. He feels there is a serious past between these two but all Hawkeye will admit is to just being friends.

He doesn't miss the tension between his bunkmates either. Frank doesn't strike him as the depressive type so it must be some event that has brought about the morose behavior. Hawkeye is normally a very cheerful and friendly person but with Frank he is just barely tolerant and occasionally outright hostile. More than once Potter has had to intervene in the OR. BJ would ask his friend about it but he's not sure he's ready to get involved.

Margaret is an enigma all to herself. She is stern and demanding but also a very generous and warm person. He can't imagine that a woman who holds military discipline so high would so easily tolerate Hawkeye's utter disrespect for the Army. BJ feels he will have time to try to figure these two out.


	8. Chapter 8

When he sees her, he feels his chest clench. It's been years since he has laid eyes on Carlye and the wound has yet to heal. It's a small camp and he can't avoid her, so he and BJ give the new nurses a welcome. He is witty, charming and utterly at his best. Afterward, BJ leaves for Post Op duty and he is left on his own in the Swamp. Eventually, she finds him to talk.

"Is there a Mrs. Benjamin Franklin Pierce?" Carlye is seated across from him with her blue eyes wide and curious.

"No," He pauses when he looks at her. "I'm not married yet."

She raises an eyebrow at him and he can practically hear the wheels turning.

"But there is someone in the running?" She knows him too well.

He draws in a deep breath.

"It's a small camp." She assures him. "I may have already heard a few tidbits."

"Well, we haven't talked about it." he tries to find his footing again. "We haven't talked about anything." He admits.

"Oh?" Carlye is just too easy to talk too and seeing her again like this is throwing him off balance.

He shrugs and looks down avoiding her gaze.

"Do you know the reason I left you?" She says in the quiet.

He sighs when he looks up. "Yeah." It had been obvious why she left him.

"There was no room for me. Medicine was always first with you."

When he looks at her his eyes are serious. "It still is."

She nods knowingly. He is something of a legend in Korea.

He looks down at the drink in his hands. "She's just as dedicated. Maybe more so."

It is something he has been turning over in his head for some time. They are both so devoted to their respective careers that there couldn't be room for anyone else. In Korea, it is easy to set priorities but what about when they aren't in a war zone anymore? When the war ends, she will move where the Army takes her and he will return to Maine.


	9. Chapter 9

Margaret watches them working together in the OR. He is tense and closed off. She has made a point to keep her distance but she's not sure what to think about Carlye or his reaction to her. The whispers in the camp have caught her up on the back story of them. She knows just as well as anyone else what an old flame can do and the feelings it dredges up. It can be so easy to fall into the old rhythm of things.

The shift is winding down so she leaves OR for the scrub room. Frank is changing but she pretends to not see him and straightens the laundry up.

"So Dr. Wonderful has someone new?"

She doesn't rise to the challenge so he feels encouraged to move closer. He takes her hand almost gently in his as he turns her to face him.

"I always put you first Margaret." She can see in his eyes that he is being genuine. "I just wish you would let me again."

"Frank, you have a wife. It would never have worked out anyway." She says gently. She never wanted to hurt him but it is the brutal truth that what he offered her wasn't enough.

The doors to the OR open as Hawkeye enters. He stops short at the sight of Frank holding her hand.

Slowly she disentangles her hand from his.

"I have to go." She says to no one in particular as she exits out the door.

The atmosphere is tense with just the two men. Hawkeye strips off his scrubs but doesn't look at him.

"You still love her." Frank isn't asking.

Hawkeye pauses. "I haven't seen her in years." He says as he shakes his head.

"No, I mean Margaret." Frank corrects him. "You still love Margaret." His voice is quiet and sad.

Surprised, he looks up at Frank. He's not prepared for the concern he sees in the other man's face.

"I don't know what I feel for Margaret." He admits honestly.

Frank meets his stare and for a moment it looks like he will say more. Instead, he walks out the door and Hawkeye is left to reflect on the turn things have taken.

The Officer's Club is largely empty save for a few of the enlisted. Margaret sits at the table nursing her drink and lets her thoughts wander.

"This seat taken?" She looks up into BJ's smiling face.

"Sure but I don't know how good of company I will be." She says as she takes another drink.

"You looked like you could use a friend." He says as he sits down and signals Igor.

They sip their drinks and listen to the music, neither one of them speaking. Margaret isn't sure what words she could even use to describe the situation anyway.

When BJ returns the Swamp, he finds Hawkeye with a full martini glass and a mostly empty still.

"Looks like I missed quite the party" His teasing voice hides his concern for his friends.

"I went looking for you."

"And you found me with Margaret." BJ fills in for him.

Hawkeye nods but doesn't say anything more.

"Want to talk about it?" BJ offers as he sits on his bunk.

"What is there to say?" He shrugs as he sinks back against the chair.

"Your new girl sees you with your old girl, seems like there could be a lot to say." BJ quips.

He sighs and shakes his head. "It's not like that."

"Tell me how it is then." There is fatherly understanding and patience in his voice.

Henry and Trapper had tried to get him to talk about it but he shut them out. Losing them has left Hawkeye feeling adrift. Things are deepening and he isn't sure which way is up anymore. So because he needs to talk to someone about this, Hawkeye starts at the beginning.


	10. Chapter 10

Margaret is organizing the supply room when he finds her.

"Hey" he says casually as he leans against the open door.

"Hi" is her subdued reply as she turns to face him.

There is a brief silence.

"I haven't seen you around much lately." He is to the point.

"Oh, I've been busy…"she trails off. They both know she is avoiding him.

Since Carlye crossed his path again he has noticed that Margaret has discreetly removed herself from it. Her shifts are suddenly changed as she seems to prefer working with BJ now. He wants so much to ask his friend about her but at the same time he's not sure if he wants the answer. Of course BJ is silent on the issue.

"Lt Wolton has requested a transfer." She says in the quiet, wary of the response she will get from him.

Hawkeye nods but doesn't look surprised. "I didn't think it was a good fit for her."

"Oh," she frowns, "I thought she was doing quite well here." He can see the uncertainty in her eyes so he closes some of the distance between them.

"Carlye and I have been over for years and I never wanted to take back up with her." His voice is low and serious.

She holds his gaze. For a moment he thinks she will say something.

Radar appears in the doorway rushed and out of breath. "Hawkeye we got choppers!"

They hold each other's gaze a bit longer, before dashing out the door. Moments are overrated anyway.

Later BJ smiles when he looks at the duty roster and sees that he is back working with Nurse Kelley again.

Of course they don't talk about what happened. She has always played her cards close to her chest but this time she thought she may have bluffed herself out of an opportunity. Margaret promises herself she won't be so careless again


	11. Chapter 11

This time the front comes to them. The patient can't be moved for 24 hours but the unit is bugging out in 3.

"We can't stop now!" Margaret exclaims in the OR when the news is delivered.

BJ sees the look that passes between the two of them. Sydney could write a book on it.

They plow ahead, remove the shrapnel and BJ goes to pack the Swamp. Soon, Hawkeye joins him at the still. Characteristically, their conversation is light-hearted and joking. It does nothing to settle the very real fear they both feel but it's all that can be said.

00000

She's staying. He isn't quite sure how to respond to her. They could literally be overrun by the enemy at any moment and she is staying…here…with him. He knows that it is her dedication to her patient that keeps her here but a small part of him hopes that it is more than that. Another part of him is angry that she would put herself at such unnecessary risk. For a moment he thinks he will talk her out of it, but he sees the determination in her eyes and instead cracks a dirty joke to try to make her smile.

Her fear is very real but she won't let it make her run away from her duty. The patient is delicate and his doctor potentially more so. She can see the way he hesitates and knows he is debating with himself the best way to tell her off.

He does tell Radar off, convincing him that it's best to go with the rest of the unit and help set up. As the convoy pulls out, Hawkeye and Margaret look at the very empty compound and, despite the sun, they feel a chill set in.

Night falls and the shells are loud and oh so close. Standing in communist territory should somehow feel different than what it does, but with the familiar trappings of Post Op, he can't help but feel that it is just another night with his favorite nurse.

A particularly strong blast knocks the small lantern down, plunging the room into total darkness. Loud noises have always bothered her but these are not fireworks for the 4th of July; they are artillery shells. Suddenly, her fear does not seem so silly and she allows herself to be afraid. He must know as his arms wrap around her and pull her close against him. She sinks into his warmth and buries her face in his chest. He holds her like this until the shells quiet and the stillness of the night creeps in.

The moon is especially full and bright tonight and casts a pale light over the compound. It filters in through the windows and the open door in Post Op and gives them just enough light to see. They don't talk as they do not want to draw attention from either their recovering patient or from any potential enemy that could be lurking outside.

They do not cross the line that night but it does become blurred. It's a step forward. When the unit returns, it becomes clear to them that something has changed between Margaret and Hawkeye.

0000000

Margaret swirls her drink as she sits in the ballroom of the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo. The band is lively and the dancers eagerly take to the floor. You would never know there was a war on with all the cheer and laughter. The man at her table draws her attention again as he leans into her space to talk.

Hawkeye enters the room and his eyes are drawn to her instantly. He frowns at the man seated too close to her for his comfort. From his vantage point he can see that this is a man that is very much her type. Potter sent them to Tokyo to check up on patients but it's not like they are truly here together. He debates with himself if he should interrupt. His curiosity gets the better of him though.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Hawkeye says as he draws near and casually places his hand on her shoulder.

From the way she eagerly turns to him and smiles, he can see she is relieved. Margaret farther surprises him by standing and wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him in for a kiss. Her guest watches with a calculating eye.

"Lt. Col Donald Penobscott" the man says as he stands and extends a hand. The man's West Point ring glitters in the low light of the ballroom.

"Dr. Hawkeye Pierce."He can play the title game too. He takes the empty seat on the other side of Margaret. She holds tight to his hand though and laces her fingers through his. The movement does not go unnoticed by either man.

"I was just telling Donald that we are checking up on patients and looking for ways to increase our efficiency." Margaret chimes in politely. He can see her smile is a bit forced."Hawkeye is our Chief Surgeon." Her smile turns more genuine.

"Numbers that bad, Doc?" Donald jokes but Hawkeye can see he is trying to show him up.

"Not at all," he replies lightly." 98% of the wounded that come through our unit survive, but there's that pesky 2% that irks me." The other man tries to hide that he is impressed. "Lucky for me it also means I get to spend a few days in Tokyo with my favorite nurse."He brings their entwined hands to his lips for a kiss.

Donald leans back and takes it in. "So are you regular army then?"

"No, I'm here by Uncle Sam's invite."

A light shines in Donald's eyes. "So after the war you head back home, while regular Army like Margaret and me are reassigned?"

The man's angling for a way in and it is beginning to wear on his patience, so he takes a gamble. "Oh I would never ask Margaret to give up her career after we're married."

The squeeze she gives his hand hides her amusement at his fib. Surprise shows on Donald's face as he looks to her hands for a ring he may have missed.

To keep up the charade, Hawkeye leans closer to her. "I was thinking tomorrow we could see if Tokyo has something you might like."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea." Her eyes are bright as she smiles.

Donald shifts uncomfortably as they are focused only on one another. "Well if you will excuse me, I see someone I need to check in with." They barely register him leaving the table.

"Care to dance?" He asks not taking his eyes off of her.

She nods and allows him to lead her to the dance floor. They fall into step with one another and hold each other close.

"I didn't mean to overstep the line back there." He hopes he hasn't upset her by running off the other man.

"Not at all. I was looking for a polite way to tell him off."

"He did look like your type though." She can hear the uncertainty in his voice.

"Maybe once he would have been." She admits.

"And now?" he prompts.

"And now, I think my tastes have evolved." There is a teasing tone to her voice as she denies him what he wants to hear.

They drink and dance the night away.

0000000

The ringing of the phone is harsh the next morning. His head is pounding and he wearily reaches out for the offending device.

"This better be important." he mumbles into the receiver. "People have no respect for the dead."

"Hello?" is the uncertain reply. "Pierce, is that you?"

"Yes, or at least I use to be." He replies sleepily. He had forgotten what it was like to drink alcohol that wasn't filtered through Army shorts.

"What are you doing in Margaret's room?" Frank's voice is grating anytime but especially this morning. He frowns as he raises his head to look in the bed beside him. Her blonde hair is splayed across the pillow. Slowly he raises the sheets and is treated to a magnificent sight.

"I was sleeping." He says distractedly. She is faced away from him and doesn't stir as he uncovers more of her naked form.

"In the same room with Margaret?" the voice is sounding a bit panicky.

"She doesn't seem to mind." He says with a smile.

Frank sputters. "But…but you can't!"

Clearly there are better things to do than chat with Frank right now and Hawkeye has had enough of Frank's possessiveness when it comes to Margaret. "You have a wife already Frank. Leave mine alone." He hangs the phone up then turns his attention back to the sleeping blonde.

He presses up close to her, nuzzling the back of her neck.

"Who was that?" Her voice is heavy with sleep.

"No one important." He turns her over and proceeds to wake her up properly.

000000  
>When they return to MASH, the unit is overflowing with wounded. Entering the OR, it is quickly apparent that something is amiss.<p>

"Glad to see you!" Potter calls out from across the room without looking up from his patient.

"The prodigal children return!" greets BJ, from his own table.

"We seem to be missing someone." Hawkeye comments as Margaret ties an apron around him.

"Major Burns, and I use that title temporarily, has gone AWOL" Potter's voice is bordering on disgust. He notices when he glances up the look that Hawkeye and Margaret share. It's another clue to consider.

They have called out the MPs but no luck so far. Normally, Burns missing an OR session can be a good omen for the patients but with Hawkeye gone as well it put a strain on the remaining two surgeons.

The wave of casualties thins quickly in their capable hands and as the last patient is wheeled to Post Op, they gather in Potter's office. He pours a drink for each of them.

"He's been missing for about 24 hours." Potter informs them as he takes his seat.

"Did anything set him off?" Margaret asks. Concern is clear in her voice. Hawkeye is close behind her waiting for his response.

He considers them for the moment. They have always stood close to one another but there is something new in their body language.

Potter shakes his head. "Nothing that we can figure. We are due to get more wounded too. I called Tokyo and they are sending a replacement surgeon." He downs his drink.

The hour is late. BJ is the first to leave citing a patient in Post Op he needs to check on. Margaret departs to unpack her bags, leaving Hawkeye and Potter alone.

"Something on your mind, son?" he intones gently. He knows guilt when he sees it.

"You could say that." Hawkeye's mood is considerably more subdued without the Major around.

"Best thing to do is just to get it off your chest." Potter encourages.

He takes a deep breath. "Frank called Margaret's room in Tokyo yesterday morning."

Potter nods his head sagely as the pieces fall into place. "And I take it she wasn't alone."

Hawkeye shakes his head. "She was asleep."

"And Frank was put out when you answered instead of her." He can fill in the details as he pours another drink.

"Yeah…" Hawkeye trails off.

There's more to the story than meets the eye. "What did you say to him exactly?"

"I may have told him to leave my wife alone."

Potter nearly chokes on his drink. "You and her got married?" His voice is loud in the small office.

"No, no" Hawkeye hastily assures him, "I just said it to get to him."

Potter coughs to clear his throat. "Well I would say you succeeded!"

The Major's mental state was hanging on when Frank and Margaret were at their closest but having been pushed aside for another has put him on shaky ground. Calling her room in the hopes of sweet talking her back around backfired when Hawkeye answered and laid his claim.

Hawkeye returns to the Swamp feeling drained after traveling and standing in OR for hours. He does feel a bit lighter having confessed his trick on Frank. He's not sorry about what happened with Margaret, but he never expected Frank react this way.

000000

BJ is waiting for him.

"Let me buy you a drink." He says with a smile handing him a full glass.

Grateful for his friend's understanding, Hawkeye takes it and sinks into the chair, closing his eyes.

"So, you and Margaret." BJ chimes in the quiet of the tent.

Too tired to keep up the charade that he is not in love with her, he mumbles, "Yeah."

BJ doesn't reply, causing Hawkeye to open his eyes.

The man just smiles big. "Looks like I won a whole lotta money."

The strain and exhaustion have taken their toll on the two men but their laughter can be heard throughout the compound.


	12. Chapter 12

Despite the sounds of Mozart, the Swamp is still the Swamp; it just has a new occupant. Margaret makes her way into the tent.

"Hawkeye," she whispers, shaking him none too gently.

"Hmm," he mumbles sleepily, turning over to face her, grinning, "Ah, Margaret, it's a dream come true."

"It's time." She grits out in pain. "I can't take it any longer."

Throwing the covers off, he mumbles, "Okay, okay." Normally a middle of the night visit from his favorite Major would be a good thing but not tonight.

"Beej, Wake up!" he hollers as he throws a pillow at the man across the tent.

"What?" comes the grumpy reply, as the lump shifts under the covers.

"Appendix, come on."

0000000

Once Margaret is taken to Post Op to recover, he reflects on the changes in their life. Since Tokyo, their relationship on the surface has not changed. They still spend a great deal of time together but without the tension that characterized them before. Tonight was not the first late night visit that she has paid him and sneaking under the cover of night has become second nature to them. The tension has lifted in some ways but he still has this weight that settles on his chest if he thinks about it too much.

The guilt from Frank's breakdown still plagues him and Potter is the only one that he has ever spoken about it too. At times he thinks he should speak to Father Mulcahy or even Sidney, but that would only shine a light on other things he prefers to keep to himself. He's quite sure his bunkmates have noticed his late night disappearances but Charles prefers to maintain dignity and not comment and BJ just gives him a measured look the next morning.

Margaret never comments on it either and it just seems to become another part of their routine together. They don't always take R&R together either. It would seem like too much of an actual relationship and speaking about commitment is one thing they are experts at avoiding. Oddly enough it has been Carlye and Frank that has come closest to hearing his feelings about Margaret. It is darkly amusing that their ex's know more about the emotional turmoil inside him than the woman herself does.

Sometimes in the heat of passion, the words are on the tip of his tongue and he so wants to tell her. He's afraid of what her reaction will be so instead he lets his body say it for him.

000000

"Pierce," Charles' voice is soft in the quiet of Post Op."Why don't you get some rest? I promise I will take good care of her and call you first thing if there is a problem."

He looks down at his patient in bed. Her blonde hair shines in the dim light and her face is peaceful. He has sat by her bedside since her surgery. Slowly, he nods. They are due to receive more wounded and he is beyond tired already.

He makes his way back to the Swamp and collapses in bed fully dressed. The benefit of being so exhausted is the lack of dreams or rather the nightmares that has plagued him during the war. Tonight though he can't seem to shut his mind off and he has nightmares of losing her; sometimes on the table and sometimes because she found someone else. When the call comes a few hours later for casualties, he feels worse off than he would if he had stayed up all night. His feeling of unease worsens in the OR when she is not by his side. He thinks he has become too comfortable having her in his life.

000000

The Officer's Club is full tonight and the drink flows freely. Sidney has stopped to visit and they aren't expecting any wounded for a few days. BJ and his friend Bardonaro are telling exploits of their school days and the laughter is infectious. He is sitting comfortably with his arm resting on the back of her chair. He's not sure which is more amusing: the stories his friend tells or the laughter they elicit from her. More than once her hand has come to rest on his leg when she would turn to him in amusement. Across the table, Sidney is watching them.

When he goes to the bar to get the next round, Sidney follows him.

"How long have you and Margaret been involved?" he asks in that patient voice of his.

He sighs. "We aren't."

Sidney raises his eyebrows at him signaling his disbelief. They try to be careful about public displays of affection but when the drink begins to flow they blur the boundaries quickly.

"We aren't involved like you think we are." He amends.

Sidney waits a beat. "How involved do I think you are?"

Hawkeye realizes his mistake in denying it.

"I mean, it's casual." He hopes he sounds convincing.

"Hmm" is all the psychiatrist says as he picks his drink up from the bar.

When he takes his own seat beside her, she leans into him although her attention is raptly on his friend recounting a tale of a missing police car. Sidney gives him a knowing smile but all Hawkeye can do is feel like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.


	13. Chapter 13

The hour is late when they pour out of the club and neither one of them is steady on their feet. They clumsily make their way across the compound to her tent, trying to not be loud as they laugh at their own jokes much too hard. They fall into her tent literally as it is dark and she can't find the light switch. Once she does find her small lamp and they make it to her cot, he can tell he is nearly too drunk to act on his intentions but her nimble fingers soon erase any doubt he has.

He is sure the camp had to hear her as she was none too quiet tonight and he wasn't much better at silencing himself but it is soon far from his mind as he lays back on her cot catching his breath. She nuzzles up to him and he wraps his arm around her, holding her close.

Sleep begins to overtake them as they settle against each other and as he drifts off he finds himself saying those three words he has held back for far too long.

Her eyes snap open and she is instantly awake. When she looks up at him, he is peaceful and asleep.

00000

The next morning comes too early and the camp slowly begins to come to life. The mess tent is full of people who are present in body if not in spirit. The coffee goes quickly and the food is largely untouched. Such is the morning after a night the camp cuts loose in the Officer's Club.

He finds his way into the tent and sees his friends seated together looking worse for wear. Taking a seat next to BJ, he picks up the cup of coffee his friend has already saved for him and sips slowly. Across from him Charles endeavors to look dignified but he can practically see the heartbeats pounding in the man's eyes. Sidney is next to Charles holding his coffee in both hands and his eyes closed as if he were sleeping and just breathing in the brown fluid.

She slides in next to him and plucks the cup from his hand before taking a drink. She makes a disapproving sound and adds more sugar to it. She drinks again and hums in approval at the taste.

"Margaret, please," Charles begs, "Do you have to be so loud?"

"Oh what's the matter, Major, did you not sleep well last night?" She teases. Her good cheer is a sharp contrast to the somber mood of the Mess Tent.

Charles gives a small laugh. "No strangely enough I found it difficult to sleep once I returned to my tent."

"Sidney's snoring keep you up?" Hawkeye says as he reaches to retrieve his coffee from her. He sips it and frowns at the taste.

"You can't blame me" Sidney replies as he opens his eyes to look at them.

"Yes, sound carries quite well across the compound, wouldn't you say BJ?" Charles gives the other man a very knowing look.

BJ shrugs. "I slept like a baby last night." He prefers to remain neutral.

Charles is not amused by his bunkmate's reply, " Indeed. In the future Major," he addresses Margaret, "Please keep your pet" he nods to Hawkeye," muzzled."

Margaret is not sure how to respond to this rather direct statement of their activities but Hawkeye steps in, "Be patient, Charles. I'm still not paper trained."

"As you were," Potter interrupts Charles' rebuttal as he stops to stand at their table.

"I'm always as I were but thanks anyway." Hawkeye quips.

Potter nods at them. "I need a volunteer for a business trip." He looks directly at Hawkeye.

000000

"Where could they be?" BJ is aggravated. "Can't the 8063rd send anyone out to look for them?"

Potter shakes his head. "No the area is overrun with North Koreans. They are behind enemy lines."

BJ growls in frustration and paces the small office floor. It's been hours since Hawkeye and Margaret left to demonstrate their arterial transplant technique to the other MASH but the unit bugged out before they arrived. It's growing dark and the area is under heavy shelling.

"In the morning they will send up choppers to search if the fighting lets up." Potter says gravely. He knows from experience the chances are slim.

000000

His leg aches and the shelling is shaking what is left of the building. They cling to each other as the ceiling falls in around them. He certainly never expected that in 24 hours they would have gone from a night in the Officer's Club to possibly dying but that is Korea for you. He has avoided saying to her what he really feels but last night he let it slip. He's not even sure if she heard him. It has been fear that she doesn't feel the same that he has kept it to himself but the drink loosened his tongue. However, in the face of possible death, he feels it is worth the risk.

"Margaret," he turns her face to his, "I love you."

Even through her fear, he can see the surprise in her eyes and for a moment, he thinks she will reject him, but she shocks him by replying, "I love you too" before her lips claim his.

Eventually the shelling recedes into the night and the hut is still standing. It's the most unlikely of places for love to blossom but that doesn't stop them.

Soon they are rescued and return safely to their own MASH. There is an awkwardness though. The line they drew had been crossed and then replaced with another one that was less clear. He's not sure when he realized he was in love with her but he never expected to put it to words until he felt he may not have a chance to say it, either drunk or sober. Now that they have said it though that leaves things very much focused on the future. Sneaking around is all about the present but love is about what comes after the war. There is a cold feeling that reminds him of his fear of commitment.

She is uncertain too. That is twice he had said it to her even if he didn't know she heard the first one. It can't be blamed on a near-death experience or on too much to drink. She has always seen herself as career Army but she knows that as soon as this is over he will gladly turn in his Captain's bars and return to Maine. Most of her relationships have been flings and love never entered into the equation. She never lets anyone get that close to her. She thinks she could make an exception for him.

They tiptoe around one another emotionally and avoid speaking again about their feelings. However, life has a way of forcing you to face the things you avoid the most.


	14. Chapter 14

When the call for wounded comes over the PA, she is in her tent and close to tears. As she rushes out the door the calendar lays on her cot where she threw it in her haste.

He tries to lighten the mood in the OR but she is snappy and harsh to her nurses. She even snaps at him a time or two. Something clearly is bothering his Major but he is at a loss as to what. Things between them were a bit stilted after their night in the hut but that has been weeks ago and he thought that they had found their balance again, even if they both avoid the giant elephant in the room. BJ and Potter both give him looks that indicate that he clearly is to blame for her behavior.

000

He finds her in her tent but he's not prepared for the sight of her tears. Before he can even ask what is wrong he finds his arms full of sobbing Major. Bewildered, he holds her until she begins to quiet down.

"What's wrong?" he ventures to ask.

She pulls away from him and crosses to sit on her cot. "I'm sorry." She mumbles without looking at him.

He won't let her get away with avoiding it so he sits beside her and takes her hand.

"You might feel better if you talk about it." He knows when to push her and when not too.

She lets out a long sigh. There really is no way to get around this.

"It can't be true" she shakes her head.

"What can't be true?" He wants to help but he's unsure what is wrong.

"That time of the month hasn't been that time of the month for some time." She says quietly.

If she weren't so upset, she would laugh at the look of confusion on his face but she can tell the moment the realization of what she is saying hits him.

"Oh" is all he says.

It's her turn to frown. "Oh?" she echoes, "That's all you have to say?"

He springs to his feet and paces across her tent. "Are you sure?" He asks when he turns to her.

"No, I'm not 100% positive, but I have most of the symptoms." Her voice rises as she stands up.

For a long moment he just stares at her. "Okay, first thing we need to do is verify this medically." The doctor in him takes over and his voice is calm but she can see the panic in his eyes.

0000

Colonel Potter is a bit surprised to say the least. "Pregnant?" The man's eyes look from her to Hawkeye and back again. He can see the uncertainty and the nervousness in both of them.

"Have you done a test to confirm?" He spares them the awkwardness and takes charge. She shakes her head. "Then I'll send you to Tokyo."

"Uh, Colonel, I should be in on this too." Hawkeye says. He's beyond terrified but he won't leave her alone in this.

Potter doesn't reply, only stares at him long enough to make him fidget. 

"I'm sorry, son. I can't spare you." His voice is heavy with regret. The implication is clear that they are expected to have heavy casualties.

"Sir, I can't go to Tokyo." Her voice is quiet but firm.

Potter opens his mouth to reply but knows it is pointless to argue with her. Margaret is dedicated to her profession. She won't leave the surgical team, and more specifically, their Chief Surgeon, shorthanded due to personal reasons.

He nods in resignation but an idea strikes him. "How about a rabbit?"

0000

Twenty-four hours. Sometimes they are so busy with wounded that he hardly notices the passage of time. They have been known to work around the clock on more than one occasion. The benefit of it though is that he walks out of the OR at the same time he walked in and he feels he is right back where he started. This time though, twenty-four hours can radically change his whole future; hers too.

She doesn't let on that she is nervous but he knows her better than that. He can see the way she chews her bottom lip absently. They don't talk about it but instead make small talk about the weather, the Mess Tent, anything to avoid the bigger issue. More than once her green eyes have turned to him and he knows she wants to ask, instead she asks him to pass the salt.

If anyone notices how much more subdued they are, they don't comment on it. The wounded come in and the banter in the OR is at a minimal. Normally, Hawkeye is at the center of the chatter but today he is quiet and it is not just because he is elbow deep inside a kid's chest cavity. The session lasts much too long and when they drag themselves into the scrub room to change he can feel his head swimming with fatigue.

She can see how tired he is so she steps into help him change. She trades his bloodied scrubs for his olive greens before donning her own. When she is done she offers her hand and she leads him outside. Wordlessly, she leads him to her tent and he collapses on the bunk. She pulls his shoes off before joining him. He holds her spooned to him with his arm around her waist.

He should sleep but all he can think about is what tomorrow will bring. He never really thought about having a family much. For so long he has been his only child and he has liked it that way. His heart begins to pound when he thinks about the test being positive.

She feels it against her back so she turns to him with questioning eyes. Her lips move to ask him what is wrong but he doesn't want to talk about it so he kisses her instead. It's all about now and he doesn't want to think about tomorrow so he distracts her instead. Afterward she is asleep with her head on his chest and his arm holding her close but he still can't sleep. Hawkeye realizes he is in too deep. When Margaret awakes in the morning he is gone.

0000

The atmosphere is tense and even though it is just the two of them, she feels jumpy.

"You're still a Major," he says quietly as he sits back in the chair.

"Yeah?" she says cautiously.

His blue eyes are unreadable. "That's good, right?"

Slowly she nods. "I think it is." Her voice feels like it is disconnected from her body.

They fall silent in the room, each with their own thoughts.

He pushes the chair back and stands. "I have a patient I need to check up on in Post-Op." He is out the door before she can say anything. The door closes and she is left on her own. Even though it's warm out she feels a slight chill setting in.


	15. Chapter 15

The Swamp is quiet as BJ rereads Peg's last letter again. The door swings open and Hawkeye heads directly for the still, pouring himself a glass. He sits in the chair but doesn't speak.

When the other man doesn't move, BJ takes notice. "Everything, okay?"

He watches his friend frown and shake his head, before downing the contents of the glass. When he swallows he lets out a small laugh.

"Hawk, tell me what's going on?" He is becoming concerned.

Hawkeye leans his head back and looks up at the ceiling. "I can't do it." His voice is almost a whisper. It's easier to say it to the olive drab than to look his friend in the face and admit it.

"Can't do what?" BJ asks confused. He wasn't privy to the concerns his friends faced.

Hawkeye shake his head again. He has said more than he intended already.

BJ regards his friend. The man is a bit of a mystery at times so he does the only thing a friend can do. He stands and refills the man's drink as well as one for himself and takes a seat in the silence. Sometimes being a good friend means just being there.

0000

Hours later, BJ looks up from the letter he is writing when she enters the Swamp. She takes in the disarray and her eyes burn from the smell of alcohol in the air.

"It's been a rough night." He says wearily.

"I can see that." She replies softly. She ventures to step closer to Hawkeye's bunk. He is clearly passed out cold. "How much did he have to drink?"

"Too much" is the somber reply. BJ doesn't voice his concerns for his friend's health nor does he volunteer that he has already checked his vital signs more than a few times.

Softly she caresses his cheek, but a frown appears on her face. "Why would you do this to yourself?" She says in the quiet.

"I was hoping you would tell me." BJ asks. He has spent the night trying to get Hawkeye to talk.

A part of her wants to confide in someone about it but she's not good at opening up. So instead she settles for avoiding it. "I wouldn't know where to start."

Shaking her head, she moves towards the door as she is just not sure what to make of his reaction.

"Wait, Margaret," BJ stands as her hand touches the door, "where are you going?"

"I need some time to myself right now."She turns to him with tears in her eyes. "Just look after him please." And she is gone out the door, leaving BJ more confused than before.

0000

In the fog of his mind, he can make out the call for wounded in the compound. He struggles to open his eyes but feels like a lead weight is holding him down.

"Hey, Hawk, Just rest. It's only a few. Charles, Potter and I can handle them." BJ's calm voice assures him.

He vaguely remembers nodding, before closing his eyes again.

0000

In the scrub room, Potter asks, "How is he?"

BJ shakes his head as he scrubs at the sink. "I was up most of the night making sure he was still breathing."

"Damn" Potter mutters. "He's not going to be much happier when he wakes up."

BJ turns to him. A sense of dread already hangs in the air. "Why?"

"I imagine his little binge had to do with a certain Head Nurse." Potter's voice is gruff and BJ nods in agreement, "who hightailed it to Seoul this morning for a couple days R&R."

"She what?" The sense of dread becomes crushing.

"I know I shouldn't have let her go but the poor girl looked like she needed it." Potter frowns. She had been devastated but wouldn't talk about it, pleading a need for time alone to think things through.

"This is not going to go over well at all." BJ's mind is already racing. "Can't you call her and get her back?"

The look Potter gives him is telling. "She knew what shape he was in when she asked to go. She didn't want to talk to him about it."

BJ grapples with the implication of Margaret running away from Hawkeye like that. "I don't even know what this is about." He is feeling more and more helpless.

Potter drops his head. "Maybe I'll give Sydney a call." The psychiatrist seems to have a knack for handling Hawkeye when no one else can.

0000

When he opens his eyes again it is dark out and he can barely make out the shuffling of paper. Slowly he sits up but the room tilts and he has to grab his cot to keep from falling.

"Beej, what time is it?" his voice is raspy and he is having difficulty focusing.

"About 8 pm." Footsteps draw near and BJ comes into view. "How are you feeling?"

Hawkeye frowns at him. "Terrible."

"You had me worried." His friend's voice betrays the depth of his fears for his friend.

"That bad?" He asks as he manages to open his eyes more. The look in his friend's eyes is not reassuring.

He leans forward putting his arms on his legs and holding his head up. "How long have I been out?" He almost doesn't want to know.

"Let's put it this way," BJ says as he hands him a glass of water. "Twenty-four hours ago you emptied the still."

Gratefully he drinks the water feeling the sting as it hits his dry throat. "What did I miss?" He puts down the now empty glass.

BJ hands him another. "We had a few patients in OR, nothing serious though."

"Potter mad?" He sips this one slowly as he can feel his stomach is already churning.

He shakes his head. "No, just concerned."

That at least is something. A hangover is bad enough but he couldn't handle a dressing down by his CO right now.

He looks around the tent, grasping to make sense of things. He feels like something is just out of his reach. He turns to peer through the tent across the compound to Margaret's darkened tent.

"She's not there, Hawk."

"What do you mean?" He looks back at his friend.

"She's gone Hawkeye." There is an apology in BJ's voice that does nothing to settle the feeling of discontent in his chest.


	16. Chapter 16

In Seoul, she stretches out in a big bed all by herself. It's clean and luxurious and so different from her cot back at the 4077th. Running away was a new low for her but she had to get away. She has been turning over in her mind the way he reacted to her possible pregnancy. She knows in her heart he fears commitment. For too long he has only had to look after himself and she can sympathize with the feeling.

Margaret has not thought much about having a family before. She has been so focused on her work that she never even had a relationship she would consider it with. A baby would mean the end of her Army career. She would have had to leave Korea before the war is over. She would have had to leave him. The thought sticks in her mind and she suddenly feels like she can't breathe.

She sits up and walks to the window opening it up to let fresh air in. She looks down at the hustle and bustle of the city. Seoul is deceptive. Here it looks peaceful and happy but a couple hours to the north the landscape becomes hellish. It is where dreams go to die.

When she began to suspect something was wrong, she wasn't sure how he would take it. His initial panic was understandable but after they had their answer, his distance and subsequent drinking binge was a cause of concern. Given the nature of their relationship, pregnancy is a very possible outcome. The last thing she would want to do is to make him feel trapped and she knows that was exactly what he was starting to feel.

She knows he loves her but love and commitment are different creatures and Margaret begins to think she wants them both. He may just not be the man to give that to her.

0000

"Major, it's good to see you." Margaret's voice is warm and cheerful. Sydney looks up from his coffee and nods to her.  
>"And you too Margaret. " He replies with a smile.<p>

Sydney watches her eyes dart to the man across from him, who is firmly focused on his own cup of coffee in front of him.

"Captain." She says politely before turning and exiting the Mess Tent. Hawkeye doesn't acknowledge her or look up from the table.

His low voice is a warning . "Don't give me that look, Sydney."When he raises his blue eyes from the table, Sydney can see that he is very serious.

Sydney knows he is walking a line with the man. "Last time I was here, you and her were quite…cozy," he settles on the semi-neutral word.

The surgeon lets out a long sigh as he looks around the tent. "Yeah, we were." He admits quietly.

"So, what changed?" the psychiatrist prompts.

Hawkeye just shakes his head at him, "How about we go to the Officer's Club?" His eyes take on a hopeful look.

"Do you think that is a good idea?" Sydney asks carefully.

His eyes betray the vulnerability he feels. "No, but I think I need too."

"Running away from the problem, won't make it go away." He cautions in that calm voice of his. "Eventually, you will hit a wall and have to deal with this."

Hawkeye closes his eyes and sighs. "I know, Sydney, but I'm not ready yet." There is a plea in his voice and Sydney knows when to back off.

"Okay then," Sydney agrees, "Let's go to the Officer's Club."

0000

The Officer's Club is quiet tonight. Sydney is seated in the back which affords him a view of the room. His drink is largely untouched yet the table is littered with empty bottles. Across from him BJ is looking quite unhappy.

"Should we be letting him drink like this?" BJ says leaning over the table. Hawkeye is at the bar, running up a tab.

"We have to give this time." Sydney is patient but even he is a bit concerned about his friend's overindulgence.

BJ sits back not at all placated by the psychiatrist's reassurances.

Hawkeye returns to the table, fresh drinks in hand. He doesn't speak though and leans back in his chair.

"Hey don't you think you've had enough?" BJ asks unable to sit by quietly.

"I have not yet begun to drink." Hawkeye proclaims before downing one of the drinks.

"What if we get wounded in?" BJ tries to be practical and reason with him.

"It'll be fine," is the overconfident reply.

BJ leans back in his chair, shaking his head in frustration.

0000

Charles enters the supply room but stops short at the sound of crying. Cautiously he rounds the stacks of supplies until he finds the source of the sounds.

"Margaret?" he speaks softly, concern etching his voice. "Is everything alright?"

He sees her back stiffen as she is turns away from him. Quickly she wipes her eyes and nods eagerly without looking at him. "I'm fine Major. Is there something I can help you with?" Her voice is all business.

He won't be brushed off as her pain is quite obvious even if she is trying to cover.  
>"Margaret, please, if you need to talk I am here to listen and it would not go beyond these doors."<p>

She turns to him and he can see her eyes are rimmed red. "I wouldn't even know where to start." Her voice is barely a whisper. "I don't even know why I'm crying." She drops her head into her hands and sobs.

Charles frowns. He has largely avoided the whispers and stares that accompany his bunkmate and the Head Nurse. Over the past few days a tension has pervaded the unit and he tries to remain out of the fray but with Hawkeye in a very public downward spiral, it has been difficult to ignore. Finding Margaret hiding her tears only reaffirms his suspicions of the nature of the unrest.

"I cannot pretend to know what the issue is but it seems that you may be grieving for something you wanted but now feel you can't have."

His words strike a chord in her and she looks up at him. "Yes, I am."

Charles nods gently. "The timing wasn't right for it but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is an opportunity that is lost."

She shakes her head. "I think it's too late."

Charles draws a deep breath and chooses his words carefully. "If it is something you want, you must fight for it, even if it means fighting the very person you want it with."

The light in the room is soft, casting a glow on her face and her eyes are shining brightly. He allows himself to feel a pang of envy for his bunkmate to have basked in the love and admiration of this woman. At heart, he is a romantic but he would never dare let on that he has his own hopes for them. It has been a glimmer of hope in this dark war. He does not want to see that light extinguished.


	17. Chapter 17

The Swamp is silent when she enters. BJ nods to her in greeting then he looks to Hawkeye who is slumped in the chair with his eyes closed.

"Major, it's good to see you." Sydney says as he stands from the other cot.

"Hi," suddenly she is nervous.

Realizing her reason for being here, BJ moves towards the door, motioning to Sydney who follows. "We'll be in the Mess Tent if you need us." They shut the door quietly behind them.

He does not seem to notice her presence and she is not even sure if he is conscious. Slowly she approaches him and puts her hand on his. He draws a deep breath and gradually his eyes open.

"Hey" she says with a soft smile.

He gives her a lazy smile and takes her hand in his."I was thinking about you." Every slurred word is a testament to how much he has had to drink.

"I was thinking about you too."

His eyes darken. "You left." His voice is quiet but the accusation is strong.

Her throat tightens and she fights back tears. "Yes, I did." She admits as she sits on his cot. He holds tight to her hand though.

"I needed time to think."

"About what?" his voice has an edge of anger to it.

"About us. About what happened. About the future." She can feel her emotions beginning to spill over so she stands, pulling her hand away from him. Pacing across the tent, she tries to calm herself.

He doesn't move from where he is but watches her closely. "What is there to think about?"

She turns to him. "I was thinking about what I want and if this, whatever this is, can give it to me."

Quicker than she thought he was capable of he stands and is across the tent before she can move. He takes her in his arms and roughly kisses her.

"I love you." He holds her tight against him.

"I know you do." Her voice is quiet. "But what about after the war?"

Just as quick he releases her and turns away. "There won't be an end to this war." His words are bitter.

"It won't last forever." Her voice is strong and certain.

He turns to face her and there is a challenge in his blue eyes. "Say it does end. Would you resign your commission?"

The question catches her off guard. "I don't know."

"The day this is over, I will be the first one out and on a plane back to Maine." He plows ahead letting his anger take over. "Nothing and no one will make me leave either."

He expects her to rise to the challenge and argue with him. He wants her to tell him he is being foolish and fight him like he knows she can.

Instead, she stands with her eyes full of unshed tears and nods her head slowly, "Okay." Is all she says as she walks towards the door.

Because he didn't get the argument he was looking for, he challenges, "That's it?"

She stops at the door and turns around. "What would you have me say?" Her voice betrays how tired she is.

He is at a loss for words. "I don't know."

"Then I won't say it." And with that simple sentence, she walks out the door.

When Charles retires from Post Op, he is greeted with a scene that has become all too familiar in the Swamp.

"Really Pierce, do you intend to spend the rest of the war at the bottom of the still?"

From his seat in the chair, Hawkeye looks up to glare at the other man. "I just might."

"Well, I would consider that a terrible waste of a fine surgeon" Charles scolds.

Hawkeye frowns. "Was that a compliment?"

"Hmm, yes, it seems that it was indeed." Charles replies thoughtfully.

For a long moment the two men are quiet. Charles busies himself with correspondence while Hawkeye sulks in his chair.

"You might be right." He admits quietly.

Without looking up from his desk, Charles responds "Of course I am."

"Medicine is all I have left."

To this Charles puts down his pen and turns around. "What?"

Hawkeye looks down at the glass in his hand and swirls the clear fluid around. "It's always medicine first for me she said."

Charles rises and walks to stand next to the center pole. "Margaret said that?"

"No, Carlye did" Hawkeye replies before remembering this was before Charles' time. "It was a woman I dated during my residency." He fills in.

"Ah, I see." Charles replies. "Let me guess, she left you because you were too focused on your work?"

Hawkeye nods.

"I can sympathize with that." Charles confesses. He does not like to divulge his romantic history but the moment seems to call for it.

It works as Hawkeye meets his gaze. "You too?"

"Yes, though I admit that at the time and perhaps even now medicine was a convenient excuse as I was not in a hurry to settle down." Charles explains. His face takes on a more wistful expression, "I often wonder what could have been."

Silence falls between the two men as both of them consider the words. Charles steps forward and pours himself a drink from the still before sitting in the chair beside it.

Hawkeye raises his eyebrows in surprise to which Charles shrugs. "I could use a drink."

Charles sips the drink before grimacing at the glass. "Your palate must be dead."

"I drink to mourn the loss of my taste buds, Charles."

Charles laughs before taking another drink. His expression turns somber. "Seriously, Pierce, I am growing concerned for you."

Hawkeye doesn't look at him but nods in agreement. He is becoming concerned for himself. He knows why Sydney is here. BJ is about beside himself and Margret…..He doesn't want to think about her.

"I told her to fight for what mattered most to her." Charles's voice breaks through his thoughts.

He looks up "Told who?"

Charles holds his gaze, "Margaret."

"You talked to her about me?"

Charles puts up a hand to slow him down. "Not quite. I seen she was troubled and I imparted some advice but she did not ask my counsel."

Hawkeye shifts in the chair feeling agitated. "She didn't take it." He grumbles.

"What do you mean?" Charles is curious.

"She was in here not long ago."

"And?"

"And nothing. She asked me about when the war is over." He does not elaborate farther.

"Pierce, what did you say to her? "Charles has a sinking feeling.

"I told her when this is over that I'm going home." His voice rises in anger. "She's going to stay in the Army."

Seeking to clarify, he asks, "You asked her to go with you but she said she was keeping her commission?"

Hawkeye glares at him. "She said she didn't know if she would resign or not."

Charles is silent for a moment trying to make sense of it. "Did you ask her to go with you?"

"No, I didn't." he admits quietly.

"Do you want her too?"

"I don't know." Hawkeye's eyes soften. "I think I'm afraid she will say yes."


	18. Chapter 18

Margaret finds herself in the Officer's Club with Radar and Klinger. She is chatty, friendly and cheerful. The two enlisted men at first aren't sure what to make of the Major's attitude but she eventually cajoles them to relax with her. Her chat with Colonel Rayburn lifted her spirits and gave her hope about her own future. More and more she feels the dream of marriage and children slipping away and she thinks now she may be okay with that. The Army is all she ever really needs she tells herself.

As for Hawkeye, they have managed to find a sort of balance. He is Chief Surgeon and she is Head Nurse. She is a Major and he is a Captain. That is all they are to each other. He won't even use her name anymore, either referring to her as Major or even Nurse depending upon his mood. She crisply calls him Doctor or Captain.

He watches her more often than he likes to admit. She seems to come into a full blossom as she builds a closer relationship with her nurses, BJ, Charles and even the enlisted men. The Ice Queen has melted, he thinks wryly. He's not sure exactly what it is but he can tell that something has shifted in her outlook.

Sometimes it is just the two of them in Post Op or the Scrub room and he so just wants to throw off the pretenses they are keeping up but he can't bring himself to do it. Its better this way he tells himself.

0000

The Swamp is quiet tonight. BJ is in Post Op and Charles is off sulking about their prank concerning the position at Massachusetts General. Hawkeye eyes Sydney warily. He is waiting for the psychiatrist to pounce. Instead, the man talks about the Billfold Syndrome case they just dealt with. It had been a tragic yet successful case and Hawkeye adds it to the long list of things he hates about Korea.

Eventually, the conversation runs out of steam and they fall silent.

"So, how are you doing, Hawkeye?" He recognizes that tone.

"I'm good, Sydney. How are you?" He reflects back.

Sydney smiles. It is always interesting when his patients begin to use the same techniques on him.

"I was worried about you." He divulges. "I wasn't sure what I would find when I arrived."

Hawkeye leans back in his chair, smiling. "Thought you might have two patients to deal with?"

Sydney nods, "Something like that." When Potter contacted him, his first thought had been Hawkeye, but the Colonel assured him things had mellowed. Still, he hopes it is not the calm before the storm.

"I'm okay," Hawkeye reassures him.

"Good." Sydney shakes his head decisively. "How about things with Margaret?" He doesn't miss the narrowing of the other man's eyes before he looks away.

"The Major and I are fine." His voice is stern.

"Major?"

"Yes." The tone in his voice is cutting. "She keeps to her side of the camp and I keep to mine."

"I see." He really doesn't though. He had hoped that by the time he made it back around that things would have been back on track with Margaret and Hawkeye.

0000

Sydney finds her in the Officer's Club playing a hand of poker with some of the enlisted men. She is laughing and smiling as she rakes in hand after hand. He's not sure if it is her actual talent for the game or the intimidation of having the Major sit in that is at the heart of her winning streak. The hour is late and most of the men are cleaned out so they bid the Major good night and depart. She hums to herself as she stacks her chips up.

"Sydney it's good to see you!" she says to him without turning around. "Didn't think I noticed you over there did you?" When she turns around, her smile is bright and happy.

"I didn't want to intrude." Sydney pleads, as he draws closer and begins to pick up some of the trash the men left behind.

"Nonsense," she says as she sits back down. "You did great on that case today." She picks up her drink and finishes it off.

"Thank you Margaret."

Her smile fades. "Go ahead and ask." She knows what he really wants to talk about.

"How are things?" He takes the opening.

She smiles again though it is more subdued. "Things are fine. Just as they should be."

"That's very philosophical of you." He observes.

"Yeah , well I kinda have to be about it." She admits. She falls silent and he just watches and waits for it. "Look, Sydney," She says leaning forward. "I loved him. I love him." She corrects herself. "And I know he loved me, but it just wasn't enough. We couldn't have a life outside of Korea."

He takes a moment to think it over. "Did you talk about it?"

She gives a small laugh and shakes her head. "No, he couldn't bring himself to ask me. I could see the terror in his eyes. " Her eyes soften with the memory. "It's for the best really."

"If it's for the best, then how do you explain what happened afterward? " His voice is gentle but it has a challenge in it.

She sits back in her chair, looking suddenly deflated. "He can be his own worst enemy and I just can't watch him self-destruct."


	19. Chapter 19

The temperatures are low and they are short of sodium pentothal so they must resort to using ether. They are wrapping up the first wave of casualties and more are expected.

"How's he doing, Major?" he asks.

Her eyes are heavy and she is fighting a losing battle against a yawn.

"Yoo hoo" he prompts, catching her attention.

"Oh, sorry. He's fine." She manages to say.

He can see in her eyes the difficulty she is having though.

"Maybe you oughta step into the lobby for a second." He suggests.  
>She narrows her eyes at him. "No need."<p>

So perhaps the Ice Queen has not thawed completely, though it only seems to be him she is like that with now. He turns his attention back to his patient.

She tries to stifle another yawn but it is becoming more difficult. Her eyes drift close and she vaguely hears him calling her name as it goes dark. When she comes too he is standing over her, holding an oxygen mask over her face.

"Margaret?" His voice is laced with concern.

As she begins to cough, she realizes he actually used her name instead of her rank. Annoyed, she bats the mask away from her face.

He can see the still dazed look in her eye as he pulls her into a sitting position. She is unsteady though so he sits beside her and leans her back against him. Her eyes close again but she is breathing deeper now.

Potter enters the room, taking in the sight of his Head Nurse in the Chief Surgeon's arms. "How is she?"

Hawkeye looks down at her. "I think she'll be fine."

Potter nods, considering the situation. "Perhaps you should take her back to her tent for now."

"Uh, Colonel," He begins to object.

"Nonsense," Potter interrupts with a firm voice, "She isn't out of danger yet and who better to look after her than a doctor. Besides, we have a bit before the next wave of wounded comes so quite honestly, son, we don't need you right now."

He knows when to argue with Potter and when not too. The look in the man's eyes indicates the latter is the best course of action.

He finds himself carrying her to her tent. He has held her in his arms many times but never before has she been dead weight. The proximity is doing nothing for him either, as the warm feel and scent of her is overwhelming. His body has a mind of its own and begins to react to the woman in his arms.

Her tent is freezing cold and a quick look shows her heater is missing. He suspects his tent will be lacking as well. Radar, no doubt, has been busy moving the heaters into Post Op while they were tied up in surgery.

He lays her on her bed, still dressed in her coat, pulling the covers up over her and draws a chair close to keep an eye on her. The cold is biting. He reaches under the covers to for the pulse in her wrist. Her skin is warm and her heartbeat steady and strong. It is so tempting to just slide under the covers with her like he use to do and hold her close. He remembers the feeling of being warm and safe when he would lie beside her.

He pushes the thought out of his head and stands to pace instead to try to warm his body. He should have ignored the Colonel and taken her to Post Op or to the nurses tent so one of them could look after her. Being this close to her and in the very place he has logged several enjoyable hours with her is doing nothing for his resolve to stay away.

Hawkeye knows he can't give her what she wants. She deserves a husband, children and the perfect domestic life. All he can offer is to warm her bed between OR sessions. Once he seriously considered a future with her, but when they were faced with the very real prospect of it, he let his fear get the better of him and he pushed her away and ran.

"Stop pacing and come to bed," her voice is heavy with sleep.

He turns to see her eyes barely open but watching him closely.  
>"Aw good you're awake" but he doesn't move from where he is.<p>

She sits up and he can see that it is a bit of a struggle for her. "You're freezing. Come here."

He stares at her, arguing with himself.

The look on her face softens, "Hawkeye."

He closes his eyes when he hears his name on her lips. At that moment he is lost to her and his feet move him across the tent.

It is so easy to slip back under the covers if only to stay warm and as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, he inhales the smell of her hair and skin and a sort of peace comes over him. His eyes close and he finds a sleep that has eluded him for weeks.

Winter in Korea is harsh and unforgiving. The occupants of MASH are freezing as they set about their task of saving lives but the cold has a few more surprises for them.

Explosions fill the night air as the ground freezes and contracts around the land mines in the field, setting them off.

She is torn from her sleep by the loud noises. Panic overtakes her and she screams.

"Margaret" her name is ripped from his lips as he wakens and instinctively reaches for her. He holds her tight against him and rolls so he is mostly over her. Her hands hold tight to his coat as she buries her face against him crying. The tent shakes with the explosions and outside he can hear people yelling.

The door to the tent opens as Radar rushes in. "Major, are you okay?" His eyes widen at the sight of Hawkeye on top of her. "Oh, sorry!" He exclaims as he turns to rush out again. Another explosion though causes him to dive to the floor of the tent, letting the door close again.

Soon the mines grow silent and they look around in bewilderment. Radar picks himself up off the floor but when he sees them still in the cot together, he quickly turns around. "Oh geez." He dashes out the door this time.

Potter meets him outside. "Everything okay?" he points towards her tent.

Radar gets that nervous look. "Uh, yeah, Captain Pierce ..uh…well, he..."His eyes are wide as he grapples for the words.

Potter smiles and nods. "It's okay son. I understand."

Inside the tent, he lifts up and brushes her hair away from her face. "Hey, it's okay." He murmurs as he lays a kiss on her forehead.

She draws in a deep breath. "I'm sorry. It's silly of me to get scared."

"We all get scared." He says with a smile. "I got scared." The smile slides from his face.

Her eyes search his face. "I know you did."

He can't fight against it anymore. "I love you."

"I know." She smiles at him.

He closes the distance between them and captures her lips. Her hand slides around his neck holding him to her as she eagerly nibbles at his lips. She lets out a soft sigh. Her agile hands make short work of his coat as he does the same to hers.

When he slides into her, his whole body hums with the feel of her around him. The weeks of hell seem to melt away in her arms and he knows what he has really been missing was her in his life. He is pushing her closer to the edge, hoping she will fall over it, as his movements become desperate. His body screams for release but he holds on until he sees that spark in her eyes as she falls, pulling him with her.

Drawing his lungs full of air, he pulls back from her as the tent seems to have suddenly heated up. His skin thrums from her touch and her smell. He lays his head on her chest seeking to absorb as much of her as he can. She runs her fingers lazily through his hair as she feels her own heartbeat slow again. _If only it were this easy_, she thinks dryly.

He lifts his head to meet her gaze. "I can't do this without you. I can't face this war if you aren't here." His voice is thick with emotion.

She looks at him in the dim light of her tent. She can see the fear and the worry in his blue eyes. Too often she sees his shoulders slump with the weight the war puts on him. She would be lying if she said she was not concerned about his emotional well being and the last few weeks have added to her unease. Sydney didn't come to be a part of their lives just by coincidence. She hasn't been able to keep him safe from the demons in Korea and there were times she wasn't sure he would be able to come back to her.

"I'm here. It's you and me in this." Her voice is strong and steady.

For a moment he looks like he will argue with her, so she draws him in for a kiss that leaves little doubt to her conviction. A fire ignites between them again as the kiss leads to more. Finally, when he is sleeping soundly beside her, she stares at the ceiling of her tent and asks herself what she really wants.


	20. Chapter 20

Things do not go back to the way they were before. He finds he is questioning himself more around her. They spend time together as before but there is a distance she puts with him. It is just there under the surface but he's not sure he can quite put a name to it. The change he had noticed in her is still indefinable and it leaves him feeling off balance.

He finds her in her tent, repairing socks. She bids him welcome but does not stop her activity so he sits on her cot watching her in her chair.

She is radiant and beautiful and because he has to know he asks, "What happens after the war?"

She looks over at him and smiles. "We go home."

Her answer does not satisfy him. "Where is home?" He presses.

Lowering her hands, her eyes turn serious. "You will go to Maine and I will be reassigned."

He isn't sure what he wanted to hear but he knows that wasn't it. "So when the war ends, we do too?"

"I thought that was what you wanted?" Her voice is free of accusation.

"I don't know what I want." He admits. Whatever they have with each other has become more important to him than he would like to admit and it was only when he lost it that he began to realize how much he needed it. "It doesn't have to be the end. There's a VA not far from Crabapple."

She gets up and comes to sit next to him on her cot and takes his hand in hers. "What would we do? See each other every weekend?"

"Something like that." He shrugs.

"Soon it would become every other weekend, then once a month, and eventually, it would end and we would hate each other." Her voice is soft and placating.

He takes a deep breath. "Would you ever leave the Army?"

Surprise shows in her eyes, "Are you asking me too?"

He looks away from her and asks himself if he is indeed asking her too.

Her voice interrupts his thoughts. "I admit that once I did think about a future for us." He turns back to her and she smiles at him. "I thought about what it would be like to be married and have children. Maybe work together." She laughs. "I even went so far as to think of names for our kids." She shakes her head and falls silent as she looks down at their clasped hands.

He voices thoughts he has kept to himself. "Daniel and Emily."

She looks up at him in surprise. He resists the urge to look away but his admission hangs in the air.

Her other hand comes to caress his face as she leans in to kiss him softly. When she pulls back, her eyes are large and filled with purpose.

"Hawkeye, I thought about a future for us once." He closes his eyes, at the tone in her voice. "But the Army is all I will ever need. We have Korea but when the war ends, so do we."

0000

He leaves her tent and heads to the Officer's Club. He finds BJ, Charles and Potter at the bar so he joins them. Igor hands him his bar tab.

"This can't be right." He looks at the number again.

"Sorry, Sir." Igor smiles apologetically.

The other surgeons exchange knowing looks with each other.

BJ stands to look over his shoulder. "Wow!" He has not been happy with his friend's downward slide and the number's stand as evidence.

"And this is just the Officer's Club." Hawkeye says thinking out loud. "This doesn't count Rosie's or the still." It begins to sink in just how far he has fallen."Okay, that's it. No more drinking." He declares. "For a week, just to see if I can."

The look on BJ's face becomes serious. "Are you sure about that?"

Slowly he nods his head. "Yeah, I think I am."

He ignores his friend's skeptical look and retires to the Swamp instead for an early night. Things are spinning out of control for him and he needs to start somewhere.

0000

The next few days of sobriety are pure torture. There is a lull in the fighting so the tedious boredom sets in and couple that with the uneasiness he feels about her and you have a man that is on the edge. The week has dragged on and it seems he can feel every second ticking by slowly. He knows he is being a pain but he can't seem to help himself. It should make him feel good that she is defending him and being so supportive. It doesn't.

They continue to work together. They even continue to play together and if he doesn't think about the future then he doesn't get that tightness in his chest. He tries to walk the line with her. He watches her be full of confidence and happy. She knows where her life is going and she is excited about it. He envies her.

0000

The hour is late but she can't sleep because her newest bunkmate is fussy. The little baby stares up at her with tears in her eyes as she cries.

She bounces her side to side, making hushing sounds but nothing seems to be working. She begins to worry that something is wrong with either the baby or her.

The door to her tent opens and he walks in looking like he just rolled out of bed. He most likely did given the late hour.

"They volunteered me to check on her." He says referring to his tired bunkmates. He doesn't include that the "volunteering" involved shoes being thrown at him until he got up. Seeing her with a baby in her arms gives him a warm feeling that he quickly pushes away.

"I don't know what I am doing wrong. She won't go to sleep." Margaret is getting desperate.

"Here let me take her." He holds out his hands.

She regards him suspiciously. "Margaret, I'm a doctor. I'm not going to drop her." His logic seems sound but she is reluctant as she hands the baby over.

He takes the baby and lays her on the bunk swaddling her in the blanket before sitting on her cot and holding the baby snug against him rocking her back and forth. He hums a tune that she recognizes as an old drinking song but the melody soon has the baby closing her eyes.

When he is sure the baby is fast asleep he gently lays her in the footlocker serving as a makeshift crib and the infant lets out a soft sigh.

"They aren't too bad when they're asleep." He observes.

She is grateful for silence so she wraps her arms around his waist and lays her head on his shoulder. Automatically his arms come around her.

She lets out a heavy breath. "I don't think I'm cut out for motherhood."

Her sentence hangs in the air as he considers it.  
>"I think you'd make a great mother."<p>

She looks up at him. "I couldn't even get a baby to sleep." Her eyes betray the exhaustion she feels.

He smiles at her, "Margaret that had nothing to do with you. She was just cranky and she knew you were too."

"But you just walked in and got her right to sleep." Her voice is low but he can feel the emotion behind it.

"I just know how to charm women." He replies playfully, earning him a light-hearted smack on the chest. "You need some sleep." He leads her to her bunk. His voice takes on more of an authoritative tone when he sees the first wave of resistance in her eyes. "Doctor's orders." They lay close on the bed both watching the temporary crib with the sleeping baby.


	21. Chapter 21

**Not much farther to go my friends! **

It seems that every bright light in Korea is extinguished before its time. Leaving the baby at the monastery is just another one added to the other side and it feels like the war is more stacked against him.

They filter into the Officer's Club feeling more exhausted than before. He is still shaky from holding onto a live grenade while Father Mulcahy searched for the pin. His nerves are shot and he could use a drink. When he orders, all eyes turn to him. It's the green ones that get him the most so he leaves his glass untouched. It's only two more days until he has a week of sobriety in.

She leads him to her now empty tent and he pulls her to him on her bunk. They lay in silence each contemplating their own thoughts.

"I miss her." Margaret speaks first.

He drops a kiss on her forehead. "I know."

They lapse back into silence and they can hear the sounds of the camp settling in for the night.

His eyes are heavy but his mind won't stop turning things over.

"Would you ever want kids of your own?" He asks before he really thinks about what he is saying.

He feels her tense against him but she is slow to respond.

"I use to think about it but I didn't think kids would fit in my life." She avoids answering his question.

"Do you think they would at some point?" He presses on.

She rolls away from him some and he can feel a chill from the loss of her body heat.

"I really liked having her here." Her voice holds a sad note.

He rolls onto his side and rises to prop his head up on his hand. "You were great with her." His smile is wide.

She laughs. "I couldn't get her to sleep! Could you imagine? I would be exhausted because my baby won't sleep at night." She giggles again at the absurdity. "You wouldn't get a bit of sleep and forget about any private time for us."

He can tell the moment she realizes what she just said. She goes still and draws a deep breath in but won't look at him.

"You still think about it." He says in the quiet.

She closes her eyes and nods her head. Of course she thinks about it. How could she not? He has become such a big part of her life that she isn't sure how she will be able to go her way when the war ends. She hates herself for the times she hopes it doesn't.

"It should be any woman's dream."

He frowns at her cryptic response. "But not yours?"

She shakes her head but still doesn't look at him. "You will find a wonderful woman that wants to spend her life with you."

He turns her face to his. "I already found a wonderful woman I do want to spend my life with."

"Don't say it, Hawkeye." He can see the plea in her eyes. "Please don't spoil what we have now by talking about the future."

Because it is late and he just wants to go to sleep beside her, he lets it drop for now.

0000

Meeting military brass does not usually rattle Hawkeye but this is not just another Colonel passing through.

"So you're the one seeing my daughter." Howitzer Al Houlihan's voice is deep and gruff.

BJ and Potter watch avidly in the Officer's Club.

"You could say that." Hawkeye does not want to tempt fate with the father of his…he's not sure what to call her really.

"Hmmph" is the man's only response as his eyes stare him down.

Hawkeye resists the urge to look away.

"You going to make an honest woman out of her?"

It's the dreaded question and Hawkeye isn't sure how to answer it. He hasn't exactly asked her to marry him but he has told her he wants to spend his life with her. She has twice now firmly made it clear she does not want the same.

"I don't think Margaret wants marriage." It is a very honest and risky response.

The man glowers at him and he thinks how ironic it is that both father and daughter have the same angry expressions.

"Maybe you're just not good enough for her." The Colonel's words are acerbic.

He ignores the shocked expressions of the other two men at the table. Potter starts to open his mouth to defend him but Hawkeye puts a hand up to stop him. He agrees with the man's assessment of their relationship. This is something that he has wrestled with since the beginning. He could argue but it would be pointless.

So he does the only thing he can do. "You're right. She deserves better." With that he stands and walks out of the Officer's Club.

0000

He returns to the Swamp feeling uneasy. It has been difficult enough being rejected by the woman herself but to have her father throw in his opinion does nothing for Hawkeye's ego. When the war ends, so do they. For as much as he hates the war, a part of him never wants it to end so she won't ever say goodbye.

The door to the Swamp opens and he is soon joined by BJ.

"Howitzer struck a bit of nerve didn't he?" He asks as he fills a glass from the still.

"You could say that." Is Hawkeye's vague response.

BJ is silent considering his words. "What makes you think Margaret doesn't want marriage?"

Hawkeye closes his eyes as he thinks about what to say. He hasn't said much to his friend about any of it and he thinks it is because he wants something that is untainted with these emotions so that when he is alone and feeling lonely he has something that does not remind him of her so much. However, this is his best friend and he is at such a low point with it that he needs to talk about it.

"She said when the war is over so are we." The camp is quiet save for a few crickets and the hum of music from the Officer's Club in the distance.

Margaret is career Army and has never hid her desire to move up the ranks. BJ knows that Hawkeye has no desire to have anything to do with the military when his obligation to it is through.

"Do you want it to be over? " BJ has been on the outside looking in. Hawkeye and Margaret both have been rather closed lipped about the nature of their falling out but he could see the toll it exacted on them both. They ran away from one another but still managed to come back together. He knows though she has a very different perspective of life than Hawkeye. After seeing how Hawkeye reacted to not having her in his life, he is more than concerned what will come next.

"I love her," Hawkeye's blue eyes are haunted with feelings he can't seem to shake. "I want her in my life and not just in Korea. I want it all."


	22. Chapter 22

When she and the nurses return from bugging out, they are appalled at the state of the OR. Instruments are scattered and bloody gauze and sponges litter the floor. It is evidence that the men were busy with patients. However, with a snap inspection in the morning, Margaret is left holding a very heavy bag.

"Surgical stuff and purple things?" Kellye reads from one of the boxes.

She surveys the destruction. "Get to work cleaning this up. I need to have a word with a certain Chief Surgeon." Her voice is quite ominous.

She finds the surgeons in the tent laughing and bantering. He lights up when he sees her and moves to hug her but the look on her face fills him with concern so he stays put.

"Hi" he says. It's amazing at how well he pulls off the little boy look when he knows he is in trouble.

"Hi?" She says sternly. "We were gone for two days and the OR is destroyed."

The men throw cautious looks at one another. They are treading on deadly ground and they know it.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Dr. Pierce?" He raises his eyebrows at the formality.

"Well, um…I…Beej?" He throws it to his best friend who he is sure has far more experience dealing with domestic disputes.

When her green eyes set upon the blonde haired man, he gives a big cheesy smile and lifts his glass. "We can't live without you?"

"And you Winchester?" Her glare settles upon the Bostonian man.

"A Winchester does not do manual labor." He opts for the bold response.

She grumbles. "All of you to the OR now! We have to get this cleaned up by morning."

They are tired from two days of operating and he can think of so many other places to be with her than in the OR. She stares him down though and soon enough the surgeons find themselves cleaning through the night.

0000

Margaret sits at the bar in the Officer's Club and thinks about her future. She has had tough inspections before but never has she felt that she couldn't do anything right. Her father was the same way when he visited last. She knows she is a good nurse. She knows she is a good Major. More and more Margaret feels like she is working so hard to please others and not pleasing herself.

She toys with the corner of the unopened envelope holding the results of the inspection. This whole experience has left her wondering just what it is that she wants. Her father didn't approve of her performance in the OR and certainly did not approve of her taste in men. The visiting Colonel could barely utter a positive word.

"Penny for your thoughts?" BJ chimes in as he steps up to the bar beside her.

She gives him a smile and takes a drink.  
>"What's that?" he nods towards the envelope.<p>

She picks it up and turns it over. "This is my evaluation."

He waits a moment for her to answer. "And?"

She shrugs. "And nothing."

"Well Margaret, open it." He encourages her.

She holds it up and looks at it. "I have been trying to please other people when in reality they can't be pleased."

He raises his eyebrows at her.

"Colonel Buchholz, my dad. No matter what I do or what personal sacrifices I make, they will always want more and what happens when I don't want to give more?" She turns to him holding the envelope between them.

"You stop and do something to make you happy." He suggests in that gentle tone of his.

She nods decisively. "That's right." She turns back to the bar and leans forward holding the edge of the envelope over the candle. It quickly catches light and she drops it to the floor where it burns up leaving smoking ashes.

"So what will you do then?" Curiosity gets the better of him.

"I don't know but it's going to be great." She feels she is finally letting go of those things that don't work for her. She is ready to get her life on track.

0000

"So I hear you're nailing the Chief Surgeon." Major Parker's voice is sugary sweet but Margaret can see the feral cat-like gleam in the woman's eyes.

"Dr. Pierce and I enjoy time together." She strives to be pleasant even when the other woman's eyes stray to where he is across the Officer's Club with the others enjoying a celebratory drink with Father Mulcahy.

"Hmm, maybe he would like to know what a real woman is like." She looks him up and down.

Margaret tries to not roll her eyes at the obviousness of her 8063rd counterpart so she just smiles instead.

The woman won't give up though. "So if you just spend time together then you certainly won't mind if I spend some time with him?"

"Sure, go ahead." Margaret knows how to play this game with Parker and she all but pushes her towards him. The woman stands to make good on her threat.

Margaret thinks she should be disgusted by the way the woman sashays towards him clearly on the hunt and reaches out to get his attention with a gently placed hand on his arm. Of course, Parker will speak sweetly and in a low tone so he has to lean into her to hear what she is saying to him and from his taller vantage, he can see how she has undone some of the buttons on her shirt like some sort of invitation. Margaret knows all of these tricks because she has used them before. She knows that when he does lean in that the hand on his arm will slide up to play with the hair on the back of his neck as she says whatever hook she has to reel him in with.

However, knowing it is coming does not tamp down the feeling of jealousy when she sees it all played out in front of her and she begins to worry she did make a mistake in encouraging the other woman to try. It's not until he pulls back from Parker and shakes his head before looking her direction and smiling that she lets out the breath she wasn't aware she was holding. The other Major turns away from him obviously put out and makes her way to the bar instead to try her luck with BJ. She nearly wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Seeing she is all on her own now, he makes his way to her and takes the now empty seat and pulls it close beside her.

"Enjoyed that did you?" He asks as he leans into her this time.

"Every moment of it." It's a guilty pleasure of one upmanship she has with the other woman.

"What would you have done if I had taken her up on her very generous offer?" He asks in that teasing tone of his.

"Oh, how generous?"

"Well, you remember that last time we were in Seoul together?" She nods feeling her face flush from the still vivid memories. He smiles when he sees that look in her eye. "It was something like that but I don't think she could pull it off quite the same way you did."

"What are you kids talking about?" BJ interrupts as he joins their table. From behind him, she can see Parker glaring at her after having struck out with the two surgeons. She gives a little wave only to have the woman turn away and stomp out of the club.

"Can't you ever play nice?" Hawkeye chides her as he leans back in his chair with his arm resting on the back of hers. His fingers graze her shoulder as he toys with a piece of her hair.

"Like she wanted to play with you?" Margaret throws back at him.

"Oh I don't play well with just anyone."

BJ smiles at the banter between his two friends. On the surface it looks as if things are where they should be with them but he knows the balance has shifted. They are quickly running out of happy moments.


	23. Chapter 23

When she sees him return to the Swamp she is out her tent door. She races across the compound and throws the door open unceremoniously.  
>"Well?" she stares at him expectantly.<p>

BJ looks up from his cot. "He seems…." He searches for the right words as he does not want to frighten her. "better."

She deflates at the tone in his voice.

"Margaret, he'll be fine." He hopes he is assuring her instead of letting his own fears shine through. The way Hawkeye quickly came apart on him while he was visiting unnerved him more than he wants to admit.

He can see she isn't fooled. "Tell me the truth BJ." She speaks in a soft sad tone.

BJ draws a deep breath and looks down. "I mentioned Erin and he freaked out a bit. Sydney says to just give it time."

Slowly she nods her head and the shine of unshed tears show in her green eyes. "Okay."

He can see how she is struggling with this because he is too. "Margaret, he'll come back." He has full confidence and faith that Hawkeye will come out of this.

"I know." She gives him a small smile. There really isn't anything else that she can do but wait and hope.

0000

Night time is the worse, Hawkeye thinks. He is alone in a strange place and he feels so useless. He should be back at the 4077th doing what he does best but instead they have him locked up here. He misses her. He wanted to ask BJ about her but if his friend could visit then he knows that Margaret could too. The peace talks are on again and when the war is over so are they. It is the hammer waiting to drop on him. He can't shake the sense of impending doom he feels.

She is right to want to end things, he thinks. He has had a difficult time keeping it together and now he has utterly lost his grip on reality. What sort of stability could he even begin to offer her with his drinking and his mental situation? He is a brilliant surgeon but a lousy anything else. All his rationale does though is reaffirm how much he misses her and wants her. Perhaps he isn't good for her but she is good for him. He stares out the window and waits for the sun to rise.

0000

She is shaking with anger and fear as he effortlessly leaps out of the tank where he has parked it in the trash dump. He makes a flippant comment about taking out the trash much to the applause of the others. It solves their shelling problem but worries her all the more at how he is pushing the boundaries of sanity.

She tries to bite her tongue and not bite his head off. He strolls up to her with that smile on his face and that twinkle in his eye. It is a glimmer of the man she knows him to be. Stopping to stand in front of her, he watches and waits.

"You could have been hurt." Her voice has less venom in it than she felt a few moments before.

"I wasn't." He is still smiling at her.

Gently she reaches out to lay her hand on his chest. His heart is beating steady and strong under her touch.

"I missed you." Her voice holds a note of regret.

He holds her gaze but doesn't return the sentiment. The action begins to make her feel self conscious so she starts to pull back from him. She wanted to visit him but she worried he would turn her away. She feels like she abandoned him.

"Margaret" his voice is soft but his eyes are so intent. His hand moves to hold hers against his chest as he slides his other hand around the back of her neck. His lips find hers and he deepens the contact as he pulls her against him. "I missed you too." He says in her ear as he works his way down her neck.

She lets out a soft sigh and reaches around him to hold him closer still.

"Really, not only do I have to operate under the worst of conditions but I am subjected to this sort of immoral behavior?" Charles' haughty voice reminds them they are not alone.

Hawkeye doesn't let her go but looks up at his bunkmate. "Good to see you too, Charles."

"Hmmphf," is the only reply as the other man turns his back on them and enters Post Op.

The mood is broken so they turn to walk with his arm around her waist laughing along the way. Charles smiles at the sound of their laughter and feels a bit lighter despite the shroud the war has pulled over him.

0000

It's their final night in Korea. The past few days have been a flurry of activity with bugging out and intense surgical sessions. The artillery has finally fallen quiet and peace is in effect. He has been pulled in so many directions emotionally that he isn't sure he can take more of it. He is still on edge. BJ has left only to come back. First Margaret and now BJ; the sense of abandonment stings terribly. Tomorrow, they all will go their different ways and he will wake up alone. He shares a nightcap with BJ, Potter and Charles in the Swamp. The mood is cheery though there is an undercurrent of finality to it all.

"Don't you have someone else to say good bye too?" Potter says in that wise tone of his.

He has been putting it off as if delaying it will change the outcome.

"Yeah I do." He doesn't look up from his drink.

The other men exchange meaningful glances.

"Never keep a woman waiting," Potter speaks again, "especially that one." The men laugh as he finally concedes and heads out the door.

0000

She is waiting for him in her tent. The lighting is soft and her smile is eager. He has thought out what he wants to say to her but before he can speak she has her arms around his neck and her lips on his. There will be time for talking later, he thinks as he shuts the door behind him, only barely latching it before she pulls him to her bunk.

She is underneath him and she is so warm and willing. Her quick hands make short work of his clothes. It is so easy to fall into bed with her and take what she is so openly offering but he is thinking about what tomorrow brings. He doesn't want to say goodbye to her.

He pulls back from her. "Margaret," he gets out in gasps."I don't want this to be the end. I don't want this to be over."

She stops moving underneath him and in the faint light he can see tears in her eyes. "Hawk…"

"Don't say it" He cuts her off harsher than what he means too. He draws in a ragged breath. "If you don't say it then it's not out there. Just let me hold onto this feeling for as long as I can."

Understanding lights in her eyes and gently she pulls him down for a kiss and because he needs this he lets her. If he can only have her for tonight then he will take it. He thinks he should hate himself for his weakness but her lips and hands soon have his full attention.

Afterward they lay in the quiet of the tent, filled with a sense of sleepy satisfaction. She is lying on her back feeling her eyes drifting close. He rolls onto his side and holds his head up with one hand as his other comes to rest between her breasts. His fingers toy with her dog tags.

"I never asked you." He says in that quiet thoughtful voice of his.

She turns towards the sound of his voice and opens her eyes just enough to see him.

"What do you mean?" Her curiosity is waging war with her desire to sleep.

"I never brought flowers and wine or got down on one knee with a ring." He falls silent as he turns her tags over running his fingers over the raised metal spelling out her rank and name. "Would it have made a difference?"

He meets her gaze and she can see such openness in his eyes. She turns his words over. If he had asked her to marry him properly, instead of running, would they be planning a life together rather than saying goodbye?

"I don't know." She wishes she could give him a better answer but it is a what-if that is impossible.

He lifts her tags up and scans her name in what little light filters in. "Maybe the next war." There is such resignation in his voice, almost like he is giving up, that it nearly breaks her heart.

0000

The morning comes far too early and he pulls her to him for the last time. It is tender and he pours as much of his heart into it as he can as if loving her more would possibly change her mind. He won't beg. If this is going to be the end of them, then he wants her to have a good memory of their time together. They cling to each other until they can't delay anymore and have to join the rest of the camp. She finds her nurses and he finds BJ. Everyone is saying their goodbyes and going in different directions.

Her things are loaded in the jeep and she is waiting. Charles approaches her.

"Margaret, it has been an honor to have known you." He takes her hand.

"And you too, Charles." She gives him a warm smile and holds tight to his hand.

"If you are ever in Boston, please get in touch."

She nods and smiles. "I will."

He looks around to ensure they are alone. "I advised you before to fight for what you wanted. Did you get what you wanted, Margaret?"

Her eyes sting with unshed tears so she looks away from the earnest expression on his face. "It wasn't much of a fight."

"I see." There is a note of sadness in his voice. "I wish you all the best." He leans over and kisses her hand.

The other surgeons approach. Hawkeye can see she is losing her battle against her tears as Potter and then BJ say their farewells. Finally she turns to him.

There is so much they should say to one another still and yet words just aren't enough.

"So, ah, listen.." his voice trails off.

"Yeah" she smiles and nods.

They reach for each other. She fits so easy in his arms as he holds her one last time. As his lips find hers, the others look away. Some moments are too private to have witnesses.

Reluctantly, they pull away from each other. With one last look, she takes her seat in the jeep and then she is gone.

**There is more to come! **


	24. Chapter 24

Coming home should feel different he thinks. Korea has left him feeling raw. There is so much about it that he wants to forget and his Dad can tell he doesn't want to talk about it so he leaves it.

When he does unpack his bag a few weeks later, he pulls out the pictures. He smiles at the ones of Radar, Charles, Potter and BJ but when he gets to hers it catches in his chest and he feels his heart breaking all over again. There were no winners in Korea. It was a game they played and he lost big. He puts her picture on the table by his bed.

"Pretty lady." His dad says from the doorway.

Hawkeye doesn't answer but just nods his head as he stares at her smiling face.

"Someone important?"

"Yeah" his voice is small and quiet.

When he doesn't offer more, Daniel leaves him to his memories. Alone in his room, Hawkeye lies back on his bed and stares out the window. The landscape is peaceful and the sun is setting, shining a soft light on the ocean. He feels his eyes drifting close and he gives into sleep.

_He is back on the bus in Korea. Enemy soldiers are outside and the chicken won't stop clucking. _

"_It's not a chicken." Henry says from beside him._

_He can only stare at his friend. "Henry, it's a chicken." _

_Henry smiles."No, it's not." He says in a singsong voice, his fishing lure covered hat shaking with the motion._

_Hawkeye takes a deep breath. "No, it's not." He refuses to turn around as he hears the sudden silence behind him._

"_What are you doing here, Hawkeye?" Henry has that exasperated tone._

"_I could ask you the same thing." Avoidance works for Hawkeye, except when it doesn't._

"_You're not crazy." _

"_Oh nice, a ghost is telling me I'm not crazy." Hawkeye looks everywhere but at Henry._

"_I'm not a ghost either." Henry folds his arms and leans back in the seat._

"_Henry, your plane crashed. There were no survivors." He is starting to become frustrated and his voice shows it._

"_And now you're yelling at a ghost." _

"_You just said you aren't a ghost!" Hawkeye does yell at him._

_Henry doesn't look at him though and instead nods towards the front of the bus. The doors open and a line of wounded begin to take their seats. Some of them he recognizes right away as patients he lost. _

"_What is this?" He asks quietly, unnerved by the blank faces filling the bus._

"_You aren't supposed to be here, Hawkeye." Henry's voice is patient. _

_A cold feeling overcomes him. "I don't have anywhere else to be, Henry." He has been here for so long he's not sure he can let go._

"_Hawkeye" he hears her voice calling him."Hawkeye." He sees her appear at the front of the bus and make her way to his seat._

'_Margaret, get him out of here, will ya?" Henry asks._

_She smiles at Henry before holding her hand out to Hawkeye._

"_Come on, Hawkeye." Her voice is soft and he forgets how much he has missed hearing it. _

_He takes her hand and stands. "Henry, I don't know what to say." _

_Henry smiles at him. "Just say goodbye." _

_He looks to the man that meant so much to him and whose loss he still hasn't shaken off. "Goodbye Henry." It seems like there should be more to it. _

_She leads him off the bus and once they step off it starts up and pulls away. Once it is out of sight, he turns back to her but she is gone too and he is standing all alone on a road in Korea._

He opens his eyes to his darkened room. The sun has set and the moon is shining through the trees. He can smell dinner cooking. Slowly he sits up and takes stock of his surroundings.

"Well at least I'm not crazy." He says to himself.

In the kitchen his dad is just setting the table so he sits and watches the peaceful scene. For three years home has been all he wanted but now that he is here, he feels like a stranger.

It's a simple meal of spaghetti and meatballs but it is heaven after endless meals of inedible Mess Tent food. They don't speak as they eat. Daniel learned early on to wait his son out.

"I was thinking tomorrow I would go to the office with you." Hawkeye says without looking up.

Daniel looks up at him. This is something new. "I could use the help tomorrow. I'm all booked up." He offers cautiously.

Hawkeye nods but his eyes fixed on his food, so Daniel prompts. "You're sure?"

"Yeah, I am" He finally meets his dad's eyes. "I've got to get back to it." Sydney had said the best thing to do is to get back as soon as possible. Medicine is all he has and he can't turn away from it now.

When he goes to bed that night he feels more at peace then he has been since his last night in Korea.

0000

One month after saying goodbye she is one-third of the way home. The small island of Guam is warm and welcoming and the Officer's Club is overflowing with servicemen and women returning from Korea. They are a bit jubilant to say the least. It is ironic she thinks that no matter where she is in the world that inside the Officer's club is always the same.

She is lost in her own thoughts until a familiar voice breaks through. "Major, it's good to see you."

Turning around she sees him, "Sydney!" She gives him a hug. She has missed familiar faces.

He is a bit surprised at this enthusiastic greeting but he hugs her back. "Hello to you too!" He laughs.

She ushers him to the seat beside her at the bar. "Are you on your way home?  
>"Yes, I had some things to wrap up in Tokyo." He signals the bartender.<p>

She waits while he orders. "Where is home?" She asks him as he picks up his drink.

"New York." He smiles and taps her glass with his before drinking.

"What about you, Margaret?" His ever steady patient gaze settles on her.

"Oh, I have furlough now. Thought I might see my Dad a bit." The evasiveness is hard to shake when she thinks of home.

"Hmm, where is home?"

She looks at him and she just nearly wants to cry. "I don't really have a home, Sydney."

He nods knowingly. She has never stayed in one place for long and has always moved where the Army took her.  
>"The 4077th is the longest I have ever been in one place." She admits to her drink as she looks away from him.<p>

He is quiet for a moment considering her words. "Leaving must have been difficult."

She nods her head in agreement but still doesn't look at him.

Sydney continues speaking. "It wouldn't so much be the place but the people that you miss the most."

"Yes" she answers quietly.

"Anyone in particular?" He asks knowing the answer already.

Instead of answering she gives a short laugh. It's a sad sound. "You would have done Freud proud."

He is silent for a moment considering his words. "I'm sure you could have gone to Maine."

Margaret studies her drink. "I think he wanted that.".

"Yes, he did." Sydney agrees as he takes a sip.

"Did I choose wrong?" She turns to him. Ever since goodbye she has tried to be strong and not let herself think about it but the old insecurities rise to the surface.

"That's for you to answer, Margaret." He watches her weighing her decision before he feels the need to step in. "Will you regret it?"

She draws a deep breath and lets it out slow. "We couldn't make it work outside of Korea."

Sydney is surprised. "Did you ever try it outside of Korea?"

She frowns. "Of course not."

"Then how do you know?" Sydney challenges.

"What if we try and fail?" It's almost better for their relationship to be another casualty of war.

Sydney's face becomes very serious. "When it mattered the most, you and Hawkeye never failed at anything."

0000

When Margaret finally touches down on the mainland, she feels a sense of relief. Her dad is living out of a suitcase in San Francisco so she makes plans to meet up.

They are having dinner in one of the oceanfront restaurants.

"What will you do now?" he says across from the table.

"I'm not sure." She doesn't feel excited about any of her prospects right now.

"What happened to that hotshot doctor you was seeing?" His voice is gruff and just barely tolerant.

"We ended it and he went home." She really doesn't want to talk about him.

He mulls this over. "It's for the best. He wasn't good enough for you."

Normally she just smiles and nods at her father's viewpoints but something about this gets to her.

"Dr Pierce is one of the best surgeons I have ever worked with. The 4077th wouldn't have had such a high survival rating without him."

His eyes narrow as he looks at her. "If he was that good he would have been at Tokyo General."

"How would that have helped the wounded that couldn't make it to Tokyo?" She demands.

"Margaret, he was just a captain. I looked in his record. I can't believe you would lower yourself to be with a man like him."

She opens her mouth to say something but she isn't even sure what to say to that. He sees her hesitancy and continues speaking. "From what I understand he ended up in the mental institution. Now tell me how that is good for you?"

She just stares at him. "He's a good man and he was good to me." Her voice is unyielding in her devotion to him. "He was good for me."

Howlitzer sits back in his seat and gives her an appraising look. "If he was good for you, Margaret, then why didn't he do what was right and marry you?" He voices quietly but firmly.

She takes a deep breath and looks around the restaurant at the happy couples dining and dancing. When she catches her own reflection in the window she realizes this isn't where she should be.

"Dad, I have to go." She stands and grabs her purse.  
>"Margaret," he is surprised, "There's no need to run off. I'm just looking out for you."<p>

She kisses him on the cheek."I know Dad. I'll call you." And she is out the door, leaving her father wondering just what happened.


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry to keep you waiting!**

It's a lazy Sunday in Maine. Hawkeye is reclining on the couch napping. Tomorrow will mark a month he has been back to work. Treating runny noses and sprained ankles is a far cry from digging shrapnel out of the chests of kids. It is peaceful but he can tell that while he stays busy that something is missing. He knows what that something is but he does his best to ignore it.

He has kept in touch with Potter, BJ, even Charles. Sydney called him a few hours before to see how he was doing. He misses the people but not the place. He could tell every one of them wanted to ask about her but they were far too polite to bring it up. He wished he had something new to tell them. It never does to dwell on the past.

There is a soft knock at the door and he is loathe to leave the comfort of the couch. However, his dad isn't home so he rolls off the couch as he makes his way to the door.

When he opens the door, he catches his breath.

"Margaret?" She is as beautiful as he remembers, wearing a long dress with heels that are anything but regulation. A green Army issue bag at her feet. Her blonde hair is down and softly framing her face. She gives him a warm and inviting smile.

"So, Daniel and Emily?"

The words catch him off guard so it takes a moment for his brain to pick up the thread of conversation they had about children in her tent. "Yeah." He nods slowly, still unsure.

She clicks her tongue. Her eyes never leaving his. "What if we have more than two kids?"

He picks up on the opening his face breaking into a grin. "Well, those were just the first two names I came up with."

She nods for a moment considering his words and takes a step closer. "You never actually asked me."

He stares for a moment. This has to be a dream and he is about to wake up anytime. "I didn't, did I?" She shakes her head.

It's one of those moments that seem surreal and frozen in time. He takes a deep breath. "Margret, would you marry me?"

She looks like she is thinking it over. "Okay."

"Is that a yes?" The time for misunderstandings is long past.

"Yes." Her smile is bright and happy.

He steps forward and pulls her to him. "I"ve missed you."

"I know." She closes the distance wraps her arms around his neck and drawing him in for a kiss.

0000

The sun is setting as Daniel Pierce returns home with groceries for tonight's dinner. Carrying the bag up the steps, he pushes the front door open. The sight that greets him is a confusing one.

Clothes litter the floor and up the staircase. He can quickly pick out his son's clothing but the dress and other garments definitely are new. He carefully steps over a pair of heels to peer up the stairs. The murmur of voices is followed by the unfamiliar sound of his son's laughter.

Daniel smiles as he turns to the kitchen to start dinner.

**Thank you all for reading and for reviewing! **


End file.
